That's a fair point— it's certainly subjective. I'd disagree that an abstraction is an abstraction, though; some are more deceptive than others.

Node comes with single-threaded, callback-based async that works quite well, but it's a bit of a hassle to use for complex stuff.

Nothing wrong with that— abstraction time! The async module, for example, comes with a few different callback-based flow-control patterns. The Buffy example would look something like this:

    huntMen =(buffy)->
        soulmates = []
    
        getSoulmate =(callback)->
            mate = {}
            async.series [
                (cb)->getThumbnail u, (thumb)->cb null, mate.thumb = thumb
                (cb)->isPicAVampire thumb, (is_vamp)->cb('vampire' if is_vamp)
                (loaded)->async.parallel [
                        (cb)->getPersonality u, (p)->cb null, mate.personality = p
                        (cb)->getLastTalked u, match, (l)->cb null, mate.last_talked = l
                        loaded
                    ]
                ], (err)->
                    soulmates.push mate unless err
                    callback()
        async.whilst (->soulmates.length < 10), getSoulmate, ->
             #Do whatever with soulmates

(I don't actually use async much, so forgive me if there's an error there.)

Async's abstractions are what I would call "honest". It's still using callbacks, it's obvious what the relationship between them is. The meanings of 'series' and 'parallel' are clear; I could write them out myself, it'd just take longer. Nothing about what this code does is being obscured by the abstraction, just made prettier. I know (or can easily work out) exactly what will be executed.

Tame is abstracting the same single-threaded, callback-based async, but it's trying to make it look like it's using threads. I know in theory it must be turning my code into callbacks which are being passed around, but it's deliberately trying to make that unclear. The result is that I have a somewhat worse understanding of what my program actually does.

To be clear, I don't have a huge beef; like you say, abstractions are necessary, and Tame seems fine to me. It's just my personal preference for more honest abstractions over more dishonest ones (no doubt heavily influenced by the fact that I actually love callback-based async, which I think puts me in a small minority.)