Dying is objectively worse. Don't get me wrong but just in case you're not in a good place, please find somebody to talk to about this. Friends, family, your family doctor, a mental health hotline, anyone. Heck, contact me if you feel like you're out of options, base64 encoded email aGFja2VybmV3c2NvbnRhY3RAZmFzdG1haWwuY29tCg==