Your choices are not limited to "being adhered to a codependent sexual partner" and "being totally disconnected from society trying to live as a Randean ubermench ascetic".
It is the belief that those are the only possibilities that makes people incels, not the lack of a chick.
Isn’t the point of incels that they want something that is majorly important in society, yet can’t get it. It’s a bit like telling poor people that they should not care about money.
They want something that they think is important in society, but isn't.
Nobody gives a damn if they have a sexual partner or not, and it is not anybody's obligation to be theirs so that they can achieve their misguided idea of personal fulfillment.
It is the belief that those are the only possibilities that makes people incels, not the lack of a chick.