I mean, this isn't really about my looks per se, just the growing sense that I've been the beneficiary of positive discrimination to give anecdotal corroboration to the study. That said, people have repeatedly told me I look like Jude Law and Tobey Maguire. I have repeatedly been a focus of group discussion among strangers, "which celebrity does this guy look like?" Strangers also ask "Do I know you from somewhere?" No, I'm just pleasing to look at in a familiar, trustworthy sort of way.
In my teens/early 20s was so common for women to approach me and tell me I have beautiful eyes that I didn't realize they were expressing interest. At my first programming job, a chinese woman came up to me and haltingly said (yes, this was a programming joke): "your eyes are so captivating, like a python's." I said thank you. She blushed and rushed away.
My control here is that my weight fluctuates between 150-180, though, and when I'm heavier and I don't shave, the attention vanishes. Humans are just apes trying to be near the best apes. I'm glad I got a nice mannequin to walk around in, and I'm glad it compensates for the fact that I'm an objectively pretty weird dude. But it kind of sucks in every direction - beauty prevents people from getting really important negative social feedback, and often just exempts people from social consequences and warps their sense of reality. Likewise, preference-ing physical attributes over competence has to drive hilariously iniquitous outcomes, leaving a lot of smart, capable people in inferior positions.
While I'm just talking about random stuff: taking pride in one's appearance is off putting because you didn't earn it. Likewise, being smart/likeable/socially capable are also things that people generally haven't earned. All of the good things in our lives are arbitrary, as are all of the bad things. The things we work for are the only things that are of value - "our actions are our one true possession."
Appearance can be earned. Staying fit, learning how to dress, what hairstyles work for you, how to do makeup, correcting your posture, etc. All these take a lot of effort, and makes a big difference in how people perceive you.
I have a friend who I met at the gym who’s a software engineer at Amazon, and she has ~50k instagram followers because she lost a lot of weight. Like, from 300lbs to “the fit girl at the gym”. She was used to being bullied when she grew up. Social perception of attraction can definitely be earned.
Similarly, being likeable and socially capable is something that can be earned too. From personal experience, it takes a lot of practice and putting in effort to understand others. Even gaining perspectives from MDMA and LSD helps a lot. Human behavior isn’t set in stone, and with effort can be changed.
It sounds like we're more philosophically aligned than might be clear.
I agree about all of that - I have spent substantial time figuring out grooming/dressing/posture, and it helps.
But in my thinking, I take the nature of initial conditions out to the extreme. The fact that I was able to identify deficiencies, make a plan, and execute that plan - that's just kind of lucky. If I was too emotionally dysregulated to follow through on plans, I'd be hosed. Or if I wasn't intellectually capable of identifying problems and forming viable plans, I'd be hosed.
And even on a day to day basis: I feel like my ability to program is a product of decisions my past self made. My current self isn't responsible for my capabilities, he's just the beneficiary/victim of past choices I've made.
Maybe this is all a little woo, I don't know. But I feel like the only reality is the one directly before me, and the only meaningful choices are the ones I make in this moment.
Beauty and intelligence are in the resources bucket. Just like oil in the ground is valuable, so is beauty and intelligence.
Beauty has its professions: politics, movies, modeling, CEO, trophy spouse etc.
Intelligence has its professions: engineering, law, medicine, accounting, entrepreneurship, science etc.
Einstein doesn’t go and compete in swim suit competition for the brilliant.
Don’t worry about people mistakenly hiring you over a more capable programmer because of your height / looks. Worry more about if you are maximizing your potential not putting your height, looks, and intelligence to work more efficiently all together.
In my teens/early 20s was so common for women to approach me and tell me I have beautiful eyes that I didn't realize they were expressing interest. At my first programming job, a chinese woman came up to me and haltingly said (yes, this was a programming joke): "your eyes are so captivating, like a python's." I said thank you. She blushed and rushed away.
My control here is that my weight fluctuates between 150-180, though, and when I'm heavier and I don't shave, the attention vanishes. Humans are just apes trying to be near the best apes. I'm glad I got a nice mannequin to walk around in, and I'm glad it compensates for the fact that I'm an objectively pretty weird dude. But it kind of sucks in every direction - beauty prevents people from getting really important negative social feedback, and often just exempts people from social consequences and warps their sense of reality. Likewise, preference-ing physical attributes over competence has to drive hilariously iniquitous outcomes, leaving a lot of smart, capable people in inferior positions.
While I'm just talking about random stuff: taking pride in one's appearance is off putting because you didn't earn it. Likewise, being smart/likeable/socially capable are also things that people generally haven't earned. All of the good things in our lives are arbitrary, as are all of the bad things. The things we work for are the only things that are of value - "our actions are our one true possession."