It must be hell to have a bunch of suited figures tell you "we're putting you to sleep, hope to see you on the other side"... and then wake up intubated.
I have a screwed up neck. WHen I had surgery for a different part of my body I had to be awake while they "put the tube in". You are on an operating table with an anesthetic in your throat, your arms are restrained, then these masked (which would seem more normal now, I guess) and gowned figures start forcing tube down your throat while you try to "swallow it" and breath through your nose... there's a point where you can't breath. As soon as it is in place and you feel like you are going to suffocate they hit you with the general anesthetic and it's light out. You wake up (no time has passed for you) and your throat is sore. I had nightmares about it for months after (initially, whenever I closed my eyes). The drugs they give you in the hospital help somewhat but once home, look out. I can't imagine what it would be like to wake up in an ICU with that tube still in. I know eventually I will need another operation and I sometimes realize this will all happen again. I am trying to learn to live with this and realizing without the operations I will die, etc. Also, that so many people are dealing with so many worse things.
It is traumatic for sure. The best coping method I can think of is to remember that these are professionals providing the best possible care for you using practices that have been refined over decades. Everything they do is in an effort to eventually make you feel better.
I had a gastroscopy which involves putting a tube down your gullet and it was pretty unpleasant but not too bad all things considered. However I can only imagine having a tube down your windpipe would feel incredibly distressing.
I can really relate to this. I have had to have a cornea transplant and many other eye surgeries over the past year where I had to be awake during them. I know in a few years I will likely be going through the same thing and I’m having trouble coping with that. It is really not fun having an operation on your eye while being awake and seeing the whole thing happen through that eye!
I believe ITU patients often suffer from psychosis while in treatment and PTSD afterwards. Intensive medical intervention really can be incredibly traumatic for many, over and above the trauma of the illness or injury that put you in ITU.
For me the treatments went bad, it was being ignored and dismissed at every stage.
I had a full on embolism in my lung. Multiple doctors and ER missed it. Kept insisting it was anxiety. Only when skin turned completely white did they reluctantly run an x-ray. Oops.
Then I had a reaction to blood thinners. Nurses called me a liar, that no one has a bad reaction. Oh turns out it’s fairly common. Had to let it get to a stroke before they would Change medication.
