>I've learned from going to far too many of these meetings that you can't just hammer them into the ground right there in front of everyone else. Once it's clear that they Do Not Get It, all you can do is take a note to follow up later.

There's an opportunity to learn as a team precisely when everyone is there, provided it is done a certain way that maximizes for fixing and learning:

"Okay. How can we fix this? What can we learn from this? Is there an underlying issue of which this is just an instance? How can we institutionalize this so future members who haven't worked on this don't fall into this trap?"

At this point, you tap into their brains to fix the thing, and generate ideas to actually learn.

This approach lead us to focus on the actual things to do: fixing the thing now, finding the flawed logic that lead us to make the mistake, and prevent it from happening either by finding its "parent problem class", adding tests, and adding mitigation and monitoring.

>This is the kind of culture stuff it would be nice to know before you accept a job somewhere.

Yes, but while you're there, one useful thing to do is to elevate that team to acceptable standards. Change the culture.