How is that even a thing. I'm trying to wrap my head around how someone would even make those observations, let alone justify changing how they interact with someone because of it.
I mean, like, you would think the substance bro brings to the table would matter more than his duds 'n' presentation.
I once went to lunch with two colleagues. One was the son of wealthy parents, the other came from the poor side of the tracks. The first was dressed in a casual t-shirt and shorts, the second in an Armani suit.
The first ordered lunch and wine, in the most unconsciously casual, elegant way. The second then tried to imitate that manner, failing pathetically. I.e. the clothes didn't take away the upper class manner, nor bestow upper class mannerisms.
I think this is what The Great Gatsby was about. It is also possible to spend nearly (same O() but maybe different constant factor) as much on t-shirt and shorts as an Armani suit. Plus the fit of the clothes matter almost more than the brand. But I think the biggest difference is that people who grow up rich often have this ineffable sense of ease with the world.
> The second then tried to imitate that manner, failing pathetically.
Your comment reminded me of a similar experience of mine, but in reverse.
I was washing my hands in the restrooms at work, and decided to drink some water.
I bent over, cupped my hand and started drinking.
At this moment, a guy went out of another stall and walked up to the sink next to me.
He was some sort of manager, I guess, because he'd always be in a suit when I've seen him around the office before.
When I got up, I saw him drinking water the same way I did, only he was failing to get much of it into his mouth. :-)
Obviously, this was his first time.
I'm trying to understand how ordering lunch can ever be described as "elegant." It's a mundane task. I'm largely convinced that it's not the manner, but the body it's done in or the credit card on the person.
People are really good at convincing themselves that things are just so.
If you spend every day meeting strangers in a certain context, then I imagine you can learn to notice things like that over time. I suspect an insider explaining these things to a relatively young entrant also happens.
Or replace the $80+ "tech" climbing pants or selvedge jeans, expensive trail runners or toe shoes or whatever, tech company t-shirt, and American Giant (on the cheap end, it goes up from there) hoodie with: $25 Lee jeans or Target cargo pants, cheap big box store sneakers or cheap work boots—not, say, Redwing Heritage or you'll accidentally start fitting in with the hipster-tech variant of tech fashion, because they're kinda impractical and expensive-for-their-features compared to other work boot options, and yes of course I own some—a Nascar shirt and a wal-mart hoodie that's missing its plastic aglets because it's been washed once.
You can definitely dress in a way that doesn't look that much "lower" to an outsider but looks very wrong, and, gasp, poor to someone in-tune with tech worker fashion. So it's not just dressing too nice that does it, and hell, for that matter you can spend about as much as the cost of an on-sale Brooks Brothers suit buying a "tech shabby" outfit[0], with results that will definitely be appreciated by many your fellow tech workers, or simply overlooked by others in a way that Red-State-Working-Class or suit-and-a-tie won't.
[0] The aforementioned Red Wing Heritage boots are north of $300 for most models, full retail, and check out Arc'teryx and such for how expensive trail shoes can get ($150+, and they're not the most expensive brand), but even something like Danners are pretty pricey compared to what normal people buy for shoes; dropping $200 on a hoodie and rain layer is easy (again, go for expedition-clothing sorts of products to run up the price tag but also the tech worker cred—$300 just for a paper-thin rain jacket isn't even the top of the range); $80 merino wool hiking shirt ("I just love how it keeps me dry, but also I love talking about merino wool with other people who know how expensive it is"); and shit, jeans, sky's the limit, you can hit $200 on those while still just "buying more quality" and not even in just-paying-for-the-label territory yet.
When first starting out I wore a suit to a job interview (not a tech company, but a Fortune 100 where you could literally wear a bikini to work (man or woman) and nobody would say anything). After I was hired they pulled me aside and told me to never do that again.
As a counter example one of the best developers I've worked with wore a business suit/formal clothes regularly. But he was in his 40s and it felt appropriate with his demeanor - it didn't feel out of place at all despite the office being rather casual (I remember more than a few people wearing sweatpants around the office since they would cycle/run to work)
Oh, there are certainly exceptions to this, Gary Bernhardt (whom I highly respect for giving excellent talks) wears exactly the attire I'm describing.
But we all have implicit biases, and it wouldn't be my gut feeling to trust a person who does not present as 'one of my group' like this.. even though I'm aware of the bias.
Surely you remember being a teenager and acutely aware of subtle signals like that. You could identify a "try-hard" who are often disliked for pretending to be part of a culture they're not in. It's a kind of dishonesty.
I've been to quite a few meetings where it's widely assumed that the people in suit know nothing technical, and the ones in button-down shirts know nothing financial.
I mean, like, you would think the substance bro brings to the table would matter more than his duds 'n' presentation.