Its really not rocket science. If you say hurtful things when you don't mean to, that's one thing. Denying the other party's feelings are valid and continuing to say hurtful things for really no reason other than to be stubborn makes you a jerk.
> "If you say hurtful things when you don't mean to, that's one thing. Denying the other party's feelings are valid and continuing to say hurtful things for really no reason other than to be stubborn makes you a jerk."
I note that this says nothing about the original speaker's feelings and opinions. If the other party denies the validity of the speaker's feelings and opinions, are they not also jerks?
Telling people you aren't a racist and didn't mean the thing they consider to be racist in a racist way is in no way denying the other party's feelings are valid.
Redemption is to just try not to be a jerk.