Yes, that's the thing. Well, I will keep thinking on it. Hopefully you'll find yourself moderating with a new form of curiosity about what makes everyone on here tick, and what is going on under the covers to make them behave the way they do.
The in-person agreements linked below have been a helpful guide for interactions. They have some of the sentiment of your original thread, and would need to be adopted for the web. For example, how would one encourage folks to comment (make space / take space)?