No offense taken whatsover. : ) On the contrary, thank you for the suggestion.
It's interesting you mention this because by my mid-20's I hypothesized this very condition — a mild form, as I've never experienced psychosis (that's when perception becomes objectively flawed, seeing/hearing things, or failing to censor your own actions etc., hallmarks of the manic phase). However I do display classic signs of hypomany (the non-psychotic form of the opposite of depression), as well as acute and regular depressions (about every other year for 2-6 months) from the age of 12 to 34 (at which aged I "cured", somewhat definitively it seems, my last and by far biggest depression, for once motivated by real mind-numbingly bad events, unlike the mood swings most of my life which were mostly 'internal' for god knows what reason).
(Note that there are "normal" depressions, I merely imply curing the "abnormal" ones here for me. I don't expect nor wish to feel good when bad things happens, even though I know I can do that now. It's not magic either, just a lot of training and not much of a choice ultimately, survival instinct if you will).
So the spoiler is nope, a resounding "no Sir, whatever problem you have, bipolarity is not it." — from one top 10 specialist on the topic in Europe, maybe the world. He was so sure, and such a great psychiatrist, there was no doubt. No professional ever suggested bipolarity for me, but cyclic (seasonal) depression maybe. Anyhow. The only solution I know is to take the matter in your own hands, feel "responsible" in the noblest sense, and work, hard, relentlessly, to make a better self.
You can engineer happiness it seems, or at least deconstruct the lack of it, the inability to feel happy / good. At least, in my anecdotal case.
One formidable life coach in my 20's did suggest I may be borderline, and I worked hard on this because it was... probably mostly true (I did have a tendency to emphasize the good or the bad). Apparently the borderline disorder often cures itself by one's 40's, and indeed in my case, I no longer display any symptom of that (since, well, my early 30's).
It's interesting you mention this because by my mid-20's I hypothesized this very condition — a mild form, as I've never experienced psychosis (that's when perception becomes objectively flawed, seeing/hearing things, or failing to censor your own actions etc., hallmarks of the manic phase). However I do display classic signs of hypomany (the non-psychotic form of the opposite of depression), as well as acute and regular depressions (about every other year for 2-6 months) from the age of 12 to 34 (at which aged I "cured", somewhat definitively it seems, my last and by far biggest depression, for once motivated by real mind-numbingly bad events, unlike the mood swings most of my life which were mostly 'internal' for god knows what reason).
(Note that there are "normal" depressions, I merely imply curing the "abnormal" ones here for me. I don't expect nor wish to feel good when bad things happens, even though I know I can do that now. It's not magic either, just a lot of training and not much of a choice ultimately, survival instinct if you will).
So the spoiler is nope, a resounding "no Sir, whatever problem you have, bipolarity is not it." — from one top 10 specialist on the topic in Europe, maybe the world. He was so sure, and such a great psychiatrist, there was no doubt. No professional ever suggested bipolarity for me, but cyclic (seasonal) depression maybe. Anyhow. The only solution I know is to take the matter in your own hands, feel "responsible" in the noblest sense, and work, hard, relentlessly, to make a better self.
You can engineer happiness it seems, or at least deconstruct the lack of it, the inability to feel happy / good. At least, in my anecdotal case.
One formidable life coach in my 20's did suggest I may be borderline, and I worked hard on this because it was... probably mostly true (I did have a tendency to emphasize the good or the bad). Apparently the borderline disorder often cures itself by one's 40's, and indeed in my case, I no longer display any symptom of that (since, well, my early 30's).