My wife had a lot of difficulty with breastfeeding for the first month, and our experience with lactation specialists was mixed. Several were horrible like the ones you described. One was amazing and her primary advice was "feed your baby", formula was fine. Her other primary advice was "take care of yourself" such as using nipple shields. Not only can the nipples be sore, but too much damage can lead to more serious complications. Everything else could be fixed/improved over time. Sometimes the baby is tongue-tied, like ours, and the breastfeeding advice is unlikely to work until that is fixed. Again the lactation specialists didn't think to look for that except the amazing one.
My child is tongue tied, lip tied, and my wife has inverted nipples. Nipple shields are past just being a comfort thing, which is useful on its own, to being the starting point to even attempting anything. Even with those there things, the specialists in the hospital were aggressive pushing against using shields and kept saying we'd regret using them. It's like they were disinterested in my my baby even eating if it didn't fit an aesthetic ideal if what breastfeeding should be.
Good advice. We found (in SF) that the lactation consultants and many of the neonatal healthcare providers came across as quite pushy promoting breastfeeding when the reality is that it doesn't work for every parent. I think it's good to try it, but if it doesn't work out then just feed the kid with formula and don't beat yourself up about it.
Agreed here. If any breastfeeding issues definitely check for tongue tie. Also know that some hospitals won’t diagnose it at all (but not tell you that’s their policy) or only the severe cases. Check with an independent specialist if that’s the case.
BTW Congratulations!