But the daughter who wants to marry her boyfriend has no interest in the cause of getting her parents to change their minds - she has an interest in the cause of marrying her boyfriend. It is her job to find the most effective way to do that, which might mean cutting her racist parents out of her life. It is not her job to find the kindest way to do that and put off her marriage possibly indefinitely.
It's not fair or right either. Life is tragic that way. Sometimes your kids find no need to empathize with you.
The original point was about a parent deciding not to show his parents his daughter's boyfriend; but I can't help but agree here on what you're saying. I have no right to stand on any soapbox about going out of one's way to empathize with one's parents, and even if I could, I wouldn't.
My point (in the original context, but it still stands) was more that if you are serious about it being a good thing for your parents to be at peace with your daughter's race mixing, then you have to be serious about accomplishing that goal. The best way is probably not lashing out or lecturing the elderly about your perceived disappointment with them.
I suspect that people who do not consider their methods, are often not acting out of a sense of duty or charity, but instead engaging in an elaborate virtue signal, with the people they should care for standing as props.
It's not fair or right either. Life is tragic that way. Sometimes your kids find no need to empathize with you.