Honestly, when I read both versions of the e-mail, I liked the original better. It's not that I disagree with the author's recommendations, it's just that I think his execution didn't work too well with this particular example.
I'm not 100% sure what made me come away with that impression. I think he overdid the "make every character matter" part. For example, I intensely disliked the "and because we love you!" bit. Also, "Hi there" seems to me less fake than "Hello Friend". To top it off, the fourth step -- "Start to see the power of word to mouth marketing! " -- is yet another irritating, thinly veiled attempt to persuade me to "buy"; after all, either I truly participated in the beta and therefore I know what the site is about, or I didn't because I found out I didn't care.
All in all, I like the advice, but the example ended up being a counter-example.
Calls to action in emails is not much different than calls to action for landing pages: Give people just enough information to take the action you want them to, and little else. Political campaigns and non-profits (at least from successful organizations) are pros at this. Most of the time it is a short teaser and a prominent call to action button. Back to the similarities, paragraphs with off direction sentences are not seen in landing pages, the trendy style is short content blocks of icons and a sentence, for an email the equivalent are bullet points/numbered steps.
Each email should have a well defined, ideally singular purpose, unless it is something like a newsletter, where the reader is more accepting of less relevant content before reaching the more valued information (and even that is not guaranteed.)
yeah besides the "and because we love you!," I liked the visual clarity of the second email.
Let's face it. We scan emails visually for clues as to what to read next. The step 1, etc. was much easier to comprehend, and the intro was two lines. That's what made the email great.
I'm not 100% sure what made me come away with that impression. I think he overdid the "make every character matter" part. For example, I intensely disliked the "and because we love you!" bit. Also, "Hi there" seems to me less fake than "Hello Friend". To top it off, the fourth step -- "Start to see the power of word to mouth marketing! " -- is yet another irritating, thinly veiled attempt to persuade me to "buy"; after all, either I truly participated in the beta and therefore I know what the site is about, or I didn't because I found out I didn't care.
All in all, I like the advice, but the example ended up being a counter-example.