There is a reason "fail fast" is a mantra: it's through looking
at our errors we have chances to do better.
I'd agree, though that's not what this discussion was originally about.
It sure is possible to rebrand every failure we make as
success in some thing else. "I failed to win the tennis
match, but I succeeded in hitting the ball into the net!".
I agree, though nobody (at least not in this discussion) is endorsing that sort of cognitive gymnastics. There are no reasonable upsides to hitting the ball into the net, and it is not merely a "different" way of succeeding at the game others call tennis.
Let's go back to the original parent poster, untog's, claim.
When I'm at work, I do the best I can do. Then I get
out of the door at a good time, go home to my family
and have a blast with them. I'm happy, though my 21
year old self might recoil in horror to see it.
To which AndrewKemendo replied,
What I've seen happen is that people find
cognitive-dissonance coping strategies like you describe
Working reasonable hours and enjoying one's family is certainly not the life equivalent of hitting the tennis ball into the net, and it's awfully bleak to think that somebody's engaging in cognitive dissonance because their goals changed and they found happiness in a different way than they originally intended to.
To be clearer "Cognitive Dissonance" is the feeling, it's not an activity that someone engages in. So the OP has the feeling of cognitive dissonance between their "21 year old self" and where they are today.
My statement was meant to say that a common way people cope with this, in my experience, is to convince themselves to satisfice [1] instead of continuing to pursue their original goal.
It could be claimed that for certain things, this could be considered "growing up" or "maturing", which in many cases might be true. The child who gives up their dream to be a superhero is truly maturing because superhero was never really an option.
However falling into a stable local minima because you didn't become the CEO of a F500 company or become a championship tennis player etc...and convincing yourself that being a regional VP or a high school tennis coach is just as good because [reasons] seems to be how people cope with this dissonance.
To be clearer "Cognitive Dissonance" is the feeling,
it's not an activity that someone engages in.
That's correct. Cognitive dissonance is a result of conscious actions (the act of holding two mutually exclusive beliefs) and not the actions themselves. My posts would have been clearer if I'd correctly used the term.
However falling into a stable local minima because you didn't
become the CEO of a F500 company or become a championship tennis
player etc...and convincing yourself that being a regional VP
or a high school tennis coach is just as good because [reasons]
seems to be how people cope with this dissonance.
I think this is a very dark worldview.
Finding happiness in a "stable local minima" does not require a delusional belief that this situation is equivalent to some other, grander achievement. I'm sure it happens, but frankly I've never known anybody to really hold that particular delusion.
I doubt it was anybody's grand ambition to be a high school tennis coach, but it's actually a pretty cool job if you like that kind of thing, and it's awfully dark to think that all ~25,000 high school tennis coaches in America engage in conscious acts of delusional thinking in order to fool themselves into making it through their day. I know a few, and they just... enjoy tennis, teaching, and children? Plus tennis isn't the only thing in their lives?
I also know folks who've briefly played pro sports, and while they didn't achieve all they hoped, they're proud of what they did accomplish. No self-deception required.
Things I have seen a lot of, though not from athletes or coaches:
- Folks who get somewhat close to some goal and decide it's not for them once they have a more realistic picture of the day-to-day reality of that goal. Example: a rising executive who realizes that CEO life for company XYZ requires being on the road 300 days a year and not being around for her kids while they grow up.
- Folks who are delusional about the reasons why they didn't achieve some goal
Ultimately, people choose goals like "become a CEO of a F500 company" or "become a championship tennis player" because they imagine those things will make them happy. That is the true goal. And many times, people simply find different ways to be happy. No cognitive dissonance required.
Let's go back to the original parent poster, untog's, claim.
To which AndrewKemendo replied, Working reasonable hours and enjoying one's family is certainly not the life equivalent of hitting the tennis ball into the net, and it's awfully bleak to think that somebody's engaging in cognitive dissonance because their goals changed and they found happiness in a different way than they originally intended to.