> Ultimately, for me, passing as “normal” means that I am now a fake person, never able to be myself without putting my ability to make a living in jeopardy.
> An issue that was previously “fixed” can suddenly appear to be “broken” again. In fact, nothing has been fixed or broken. We simply have very fluid coping strategies that need to be continuously tweaked and balanced.
Bipolar I here. As an episodic disease, bipolar is extremely susceptible to this passing/masking phenomenon. I have been "stable" for so many years that even close co-workers can't detect anything, and I hardly even notice how much effort I put into "passing". But the effort does tax you and build up over time. This post really hits home for me, and I identify strongly with this kind of play-acting and exhaustion (without claiming to understand, or taking anything away from, the autism spectrum experience).
Moreover, I consistently underestimate the amount of detox and rest that I need to recover from this constant performing. To borrow a line from Rogers & Hammerstein, "whenever I fool the people I act neurotypical for, I fool myself as well". I forget I need to take care of myself.
I've always wondered if everyone is just acting to pass as neurotypical, when everyone is really just acting. And maybe there could be some way that everyone could just be real with each other and realize that no one is actually truly neurotypical. How do we tell if anyone is really neurotypical? And what would it look like if everyone was actually neurotypical?
Would this mean that the phases of energy that people are using to act normal is actually energy that we really don't need to waste?
> Ultimately, for me, passing as “normal” means that I am now a fake person, never able to be myself without putting my ability to make a living in jeopardy.
> An issue that was previously “fixed” can suddenly appear to be “broken” again. In fact, nothing has been fixed or broken. We simply have very fluid coping strategies that need to be continuously tweaked and balanced.
Bipolar I here. As an episodic disease, bipolar is extremely susceptible to this passing/masking phenomenon. I have been "stable" for so many years that even close co-workers can't detect anything, and I hardly even notice how much effort I put into "passing". But the effort does tax you and build up over time. This post really hits home for me, and I identify strongly with this kind of play-acting and exhaustion (without claiming to understand, or taking anything away from, the autism spectrum experience).
Moreover, I consistently underestimate the amount of detox and rest that I need to recover from this constant performing. To borrow a line from Rogers & Hammerstein, "whenever I fool the people I act neurotypical for, I fool myself as well". I forget I need to take care of myself.
Thank you Ryan for aggregating & posting!