I would second this: each family is different. There are many ways to raise disciplined, motivated kids, and chores and allowances are certainly not necessary.
I grew up with strong internal motivation because my parents helped me to see at an early age how hard work of others made them successful. That big mansion in a nearby neighborhood? The result of someone getting an education and working hard. (The adult perspective is that it’s not quite as simple, but it’s close enough.) So I developed a love of learning at an early age, not because of extrinsic rewards, but because it felt good to invest in myself. And it still does.
To my mom, chores took away from study time or (rare) play time, so I was never expected to help. But I did small things when asked to help. My grandmother was aghast that my mom did my laundry until I moved out, and it was pretty easy to learn when I had to. My parents just didn’t think time doing laundry was more important than time learning calculus or playing on the computer. All that unstructured computer time developed my love for technology, and now I own a software company.
They also took my young hopes and dreams seriously, rather than dismissing them since I was a kid. When at 3 years old I said I wanted a specific type of sports car, my mom opened up a savings account in my name, and we asked family never to gift me toys: only deposits into the account. By the time I was old enough to drive, I had a down payment ready to go. I learned the value of delaying instant gratification for a longer term goal.
The most important way to raise healthy, motivated kids, in my mind, is to treat them as young adults and help them become intrinsically motivated.
I grew up with strong internal motivation because my parents helped me to see at an early age how hard work of others made them successful. That big mansion in a nearby neighborhood? The result of someone getting an education and working hard. (The adult perspective is that it’s not quite as simple, but it’s close enough.) So I developed a love of learning at an early age, not because of extrinsic rewards, but because it felt good to invest in myself. And it still does.
To my mom, chores took away from study time or (rare) play time, so I was never expected to help. But I did small things when asked to help. My grandmother was aghast that my mom did my laundry until I moved out, and it was pretty easy to learn when I had to. My parents just didn’t think time doing laundry was more important than time learning calculus or playing on the computer. All that unstructured computer time developed my love for technology, and now I own a software company.
They also took my young hopes and dreams seriously, rather than dismissing them since I was a kid. When at 3 years old I said I wanted a specific type of sports car, my mom opened up a savings account in my name, and we asked family never to gift me toys: only deposits into the account. By the time I was old enough to drive, I had a down payment ready to go. I learned the value of delaying instant gratification for a longer term goal.
The most important way to raise healthy, motivated kids, in my mind, is to treat them as young adults and help them become intrinsically motivated.