To echo others in this thread, sadly, my relationship did not survive my partner's mental illness.
My girlfriend had a quite extreme form of borderline personality disorder, possibly with schizophrenia - but it's hard to know exactly because she would often be uncooperative with professionals and was often using drugs. She also didn't talk to her family, but never told me why.
Eventually, after struggling for more than five years, I threw in the towel and broke up with her. I still supported her financially, because she was incapable of work, and was trying to encourage her to seek professional help.
Within a few months, she had committed suicide and left a note blaming me for leaving her.
I found out later, after contacting her family, that she had two children by different fathers that she had left with her parents then ran away from - among a ton of other things she did to ruin the lives of anyone who ever knew her.
I spread her ashes last month with her sister who hadn't spoken to her in over 10 years.
It has hit me quite badly, and often I regret breaking up with her considering what happened, but deep down I knew I couldn't continue. It was affecting my own mental health so badly that I was struggling keeping myself afloat. The best thing for her would probably have been to call it off much sooner, before she became too dependent on me - but the guilt of breaking up with someone who is severely ill meant I couldn't bring myself to it until I could no longer cope.
As nice a story as the article is, my advice would be that you do have to consider your own life as well. If you can't look after yourself, you can't look after someone else.
my advice would be that you do have to consider your own life as well.
I think this is an excellent thought.
I am told by someone who is a professional counselor that therapists who have patients with borderline personality disorder have to reduce their other caseload significantly.
Your responsibility is to yourself and to the universe -- not just to your partner. I think you did the right thing of leaving her. Accountability is great, but blaming yourself for an order of destructive events (her life) is foolish.
Take care of yourself buddy. You are intelligent and caring and have a lot to offer to the world.
Your decision to break up was the right one, and not to blame for her suicide. Have you considered therapy? I dated someone who was borderline, though my relationship was not as bad or as long as you describe. Therapy really helped me untangle the manipulation I was under, and also helped me let go of feelings of responsibility for my ex's suffering.
> If you can't look after yourself, you can't look after someone else.
That is a huge point. I was in a total depression when I was with my wife. It was the most painful thing I've ever done to break up with her, but in the end (hindsight is 20/20), it was lifesaving for both of us.
My girlfriend had a quite extreme form of borderline personality disorder, possibly with schizophrenia - but it's hard to know exactly because she would often be uncooperative with professionals and was often using drugs. She also didn't talk to her family, but never told me why.
Eventually, after struggling for more than five years, I threw in the towel and broke up with her. I still supported her financially, because she was incapable of work, and was trying to encourage her to seek professional help.
Within a few months, she had committed suicide and left a note blaming me for leaving her.
I found out later, after contacting her family, that she had two children by different fathers that she had left with her parents then ran away from - among a ton of other things she did to ruin the lives of anyone who ever knew her.
I spread her ashes last month with her sister who hadn't spoken to her in over 10 years.
It has hit me quite badly, and often I regret breaking up with her considering what happened, but deep down I knew I couldn't continue. It was affecting my own mental health so badly that I was struggling keeping myself afloat. The best thing for her would probably have been to call it off much sooner, before she became too dependent on me - but the guilt of breaking up with someone who is severely ill meant I couldn't bring myself to it until I could no longer cope.
As nice a story as the article is, my advice would be that you do have to consider your own life as well. If you can't look after yourself, you can't look after someone else.