These things have always existed in India. Largely happens because most people come from a strata of society where failure is not an option. Should you fail, you go back to the same crappy conditions all life.
Having said that, Indians solicit social approval as a report card that evaluates their life. And due to this people face irrational pressures from total strangers who have no stake in their lives. I remember suicide cases were common even during lay offs.
Thank fully now the society is gradually gaining numbers in non-conformists. This is now considered cool. I remember as a teenager I was largely treated as a rebel outcast, if didn't care for social approval.
People need to understand they can do what they want, how they want, and on their terms. Social approval means nothing, especially if people granting the approval have no real stake in your life.
> Having said that, Indians solicit social approval as a report card that evaluates their life.
Ask any psychologist and they will confirm that 'soliciting social approval as a report card to evaluate their life' is basically a human condition affection close to 100% of the species.
The only thing 'Indian' about it is that maybe only Indians think that its an 'Indian' thing.
> The only thing 'Indian' about it is that maybe only Indians think that its an 'Indian' thing.
There are varying degrees of "social approval". Cultural anthropology studies envision societies to be broadly divided into shame vs guilt societies. In a guilt society, social control comes through via inculcation of guilt for undesirable behaviors. In a shame society, the primary means for social control is the inculcation of shame and fear of ostracism [0]. Generally, Eastern societies like India, China and Japan tend towards the shame society spectrum while Western societies like US tend towards the guilt society end.
[0] Wong, Y., & Tsai, J. (2007). Cultural models of shame and guilt. The self-conscious emotions: Theory and research, 209-223.
> The only thing 'Indian' about it is that maybe only Indians think that its an 'Indian' thing.
I am an Indian and I disagree with this. A large fraction (yes it is changing) of Indian society cares a lot about what relatives and neighbors would think about our lifestyle. There are so many taboos and restrictions inflicted upon family members simply because pressure from relatives and neighbors. My own family keeps quoting things like "what would relatives say" about my life choices. Now I live in a western society and I don't have to worry about it.
I am a first-generation American. Growing up, I thought my parents insistence on 'what would your relatives say' was an Indian thing. However, when i married my wife, I realized it's really not. My wife is Canadian / American, and her parents pull the same crap. When we were engaged, we decided to rent an apartment together. We weren't even going to live together, just getting our names on the lease so that when we married, we could live together.
My mother-in-law (who's not even religious, just really into appearance) threw a huge fit, and pulled the same sort of shame stunts that my parents do.
I don't think this is Indian at all, except Indians are more introspective about it.
Ok I am not claiming that Western society is free from such things but fraction of people who care about such things is much higher in India.
As per your American/Canadian in-laws I cant comment much on that as I never lived / be part of those societies. I am married to a German and met his extended family including grandparents (now in their 90s) uncles and aunts on several occasions. Never once anyone had any such discussions (I speak German). Including when we were living together before getting married. There are so many things which no one cares about them here but in India they still do!
No but Indian society carries this a little too far. Women in your neighborhood are always around to slander other women if they come to home late from work, or if they hang out with a male colleague.
Relatives are quick to tell you, some times even through sadistic remarks about things they don't like. You also seem to become an object of ridicule in case of failure.
Other irrational expectations include wedding expenditure, gifts and other show off stuff. Even clothes. You won't believe how many people seek social approval and standing from these things.
In case of exams and lay offs, the kind of discussion going on here. Many people play out the whole thing as some gory dead doomsday outcome, after which you would never be worthy of anything ever. Of course this doesn't do well for conformists, they just get anxious and end up taking these extreme decisions.
We are talking about way above what is considered "normal".
If something good happens, Indians know how to make the whole world know about it.
-> Extravagant weddings.
-> distributing sweets to the whole street when having a boy, when a student gets a good rank in exams.. etc.
>People need to understand they can do what they want, how they want, and on their terms
Not to be nit picker...but while encouraging to hear, that sentence seems a wee bit exaggerated. I think the main takeaway from your post--which I 100% agree with--is that social approval being the motivator in your life is a recipe for disappointment.
Having said that, Indians solicit social approval as a report card that evaluates their life. And due to this people face irrational pressures from total strangers who have no stake in their lives. I remember suicide cases were common even during lay offs.
Thank fully now the society is gradually gaining numbers in non-conformists. This is now considered cool. I remember as a teenager I was largely treated as a rebel outcast, if didn't care for social approval.
People need to understand they can do what they want, how they want, and on their terms. Social approval means nothing, especially if people granting the approval have no real stake in your life.