So why is it that as we grow up we lose all the passion, the energy, the will and the strength to keep our dreams alive.
Because we lose so much energy in general.
Because we don't take care of ourselves.
OP cites Tony Robbins. Anyone who has ever been to any Tony Robbins event knows that he always starts with health (eating right, exercising, and mental attitude) before addressing anything else. Because he already knows what many don't: if you're not feeling right, nothing else matters.
Almost all of us have ample energy in our teens and twenties. But as we get older, we have to make a conscious effort to maintain energy and vitality. Most people I know in their 30s, 40s, and 50s don't do nearly enough. We slow down, put on weight, and lose energy. It happens so gradually that we barely notice. And we blame everything else: family, finances, lifestyle, etc. And we avoid acknowledging the elephant in the room: it's awfully hard to get passionate about anything when we only have enough energy to plop down in front of the TV with a bag of chips.
Most people I know with the energy to accomplish a lot, regardless of age, take care of themselves, especially those working 2 jobs or running a side business.
All of the other reasons (fear of failure, responsibilities, etc.) make sense, but I wonder how many people don't follow their dreams simply because they've run out of energy by not taking good enough care of themselves.
I'd like to add that it's also never too late to start taking better care of yourself and reaping the benefits thereof. I know a man who decided to become a vegetarian and start riding his bike more frequently at the age of 40. He's 80 now, and just biked across the country last year.
I'm reminded of this story from a webpage on San Francisco running "superstars". While I think genetics is a significant factor in determining your base energy level and how far you go, I think most of us have a lot more potential to regain lost energy than we realize:
"Sister Marion Irvine did not start running until age 47. She was overweight and smoked two packs a day. Looking for a way to relax after a day as a grade school principal in San Rafael, Sister Marion took up running. ''I needed to use up some pent-up energy, so I decided to give it a go,'' said the 54-year-old Roman Catholic nun, who was soon going 70 miles a week. She started out half-running and half-walking.
In 1984, she qualified for the US Olympic Trials in the marathon by running 2:51 at the age of 54, becoming the oldest to ever qualify for the OTs."
As I've gotten older, I'm 41 now, this has become a higher and higher priority for me, because I realize once you slip it's harder to come back.
I recently changed jobs and one of the deciding factors was how it would impact my workout schedule - was there a gym close by, was it a good gym, how could I work in sessions with my trainer, etc. Don't get me wrong, it's a great job and I'm super excited about it but it was a factor.
The older you get the easier it is to become overweight, out of shape, etc., so don't lose that energy because when you do it just becomes harder and harder to get it back.
I'm 38 and I now see a marked increase in my mood and energy level if I exercise. I was running pretty much everyday this winter and spring but I feel out of it for the last couple of months. On Monday of this week I was in a really bad mood right at lunch and as I caught myself reaching for a bad of chips I stopped, went to my bedroom and dusted off my running shoes (I work at home). I've run every day this week since and my mood and energy are 500% better 4 days later.
Great point. I once read a quote that said there are two types of people in the world: dynamic and static. In that light and in my own experience as well, it comes down to how well you can manage and increase energy.
That's a great book, but it's about political philosophy. The two types of people described in the book are dynamists (who embrace change and believe change is a net win) and statists (who want to keep things the way they are now).
I resigned from a reasonably safe, reliable career and went to med school, married, with two kids(1). I'm glad I made the move, but it was definitely scary. With marriage, you're still pretty risk-tolerant. Kids . . . not so much.
Once I was there I realized it was going to be even harder than I anticipated, no thanks to evacuating three weeks after starting to avoid Katrina, but also, just managing the added responsibilities of a house, diapers, daycare, regular meals . . . it adds up. 2-3 hours a day, usually prime study hours.
And I agree with barrkel. You are taking time away from your kids. And your spouse. Which will increase your spouse's stress. It's not a pretty picture. I still think it has been worth it, but I'm 34 and my hair is turning grey.
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(1)I was also going from being an officer in the Navy to med school in New Orleans and asked what would happen if the big one comes, to which the dean replied, in the spring of 2005 "We have very good pumping systems". . .
Talking about starting a business or doing something equally 'crazy' is a popular conversational topic at lunch with my coworkers. It provides just about the same amount of escapism value as buying into a lotto pool. We do that too.
I noticed that when I actually started working on my business on the side, this topic of conversation started coming up less often. I think seeing someone actually work hard to change his reality sort of ruined the dream. "It's fun to talk about it, but you mean I actually have to do extra work??"
This is easy to say when you're 23, single, and you are almost completely defined by your occupation. Asking a child what he wants to be when he grows up doesn't give you good information; ask him what he wants to eat and he'll say "candy, all the time."
Maybe it's because I just watched Cosmos, but your life is a blip on the cosmic time scale. Make it count, but remember that very few people will remember or care what you did to make money.
That's not to say that you should toil in a job you hate, but there's nothing wrong with not doing your dream job because your committment to your family is more important.
Speaking from my own experience, I'd say that my biggest hurdle to following my dreams is a false dichotomy created somewhere in my imagination. For some reason, I always imagine 1) no income, 2) no reduction in expenses, and 3) not being able to get a job should I go belly up.
I started working part-time about 5 weeks ago, and it's become obvious that I was fooling myself for the sake of maintaining the status quo. Now that I see that it's relatively easy to find income outside of my day job and that my family can cut expenses if we are more deliberate about how we spend, I wonder why I have always imagined the worst.
The biggest factor is stuff. It's true that what you buy enslaves you. Houses to a mortgage, cars to a loan and expensive insurance, retail items to credit card debt. The more you can eliminate or reduce those expenses, the less of an excuse you'll have to keep working in a situation that isn't fulfilling.
If the urge to pursue one's dreams is strong enough, a person will find ways to take action towards them. In many cases an inner cocktail of fear, laziness and other areas of higher personal importance will prevent a person from taking the crucial first steps. Overcoming those factors is what separates the doers from those who daydream themselves into a rosy future. I am not to judge other persons as I have found myself guilty of it on countless occasions but I have an interesting story to share with you:
A few years ago, a friend of mine mentioned that he would really like to become an entrepreneur. I got all ears and starting listening more closely. During the chat he also mentioned his desire to invent something new. My eyes lightened up and I tried to extract a few more nuggets of information out of him. You never know - maybe I accidentally bumped into the perfect co-founder for a future venture? As our discussion progressed, I tried to evaluate in what entrepreneurial stage he currently resided.
Me: "What actions have you taken so far?"
Him: "I am thinking of business ideas all the time."
Me: "No, no! I mean: What have you specifically done so far?"
Him: "Reading the news and trying to come up with a business idea."
Recently I met up with this guy again and asked him about progress. He is still in the thinking stage which disappointed me. But that is the path he chose and I accept it. Thinking only takes you so far. Doing is what ultimately pushes things forward. Sometimes people do not want something bad enough that they push harder and leave the stage of randomly coming across the next big thing. This is perfectly fine and one has to accept it.
I have this experience all the time. People know I am self-employed, and 'do something with computers'. I have to sit through half baked ideas at dinner tables, 'I'd like to have a website that did x', or 'do you think I could do somethign with a website?'. Sometimes I give very specific advice, right down to suggesting which platforms to use and what sort of domain name to get. There was the personal trainer who needed to find more clients, the person with mild success on ebay who wanted to build it into an online store, the educator who wanted to use the net to build inter-school learning materials. They all listen and get excited, nobody ever does anything. My wife tells me I am too hard on them. If I can douse their dreams with a few throwaway comments, then they aren't burning very bright to start with. I think a lot of people engage in dreaming as a way of escapism, not as an actual life plan.
Me? I just dream is was 2008 again, and sales were 30% higher.
Stuff like this is the reason why I read HN. Not too long ago a HN thread I posted changed my life and the way I think, hopefully, permanently. It's not just the advice, some of it is obvious or trimmed versions of common knowledge, but the people who give it.
Most people who talk about chasing after dreams are the ones who want nothing more than to run in the rat races that surround them. The same goes for other topics. Most people who talk about virtues of hardwork and other stuff are the same people who have never done so themselves.
I've learnt more about life from such people in a matter of months than my immediate environment in the past 18 years.
In the past few months I've become certain that I will work on my startup no matter what. So what if I am a teenager with a startup (the horror)? So what if I fail? So what if my nightmares of not having a future come true? So what if I don't have money or a permanent work station? So what if no one takes my ideas seriously? So what if I still have truckloads to learn?
I am going to still do it and enjoy every second of it.
Very few people are remembered for what they did for a living, but most people remember those who loved them for the rest of their lives. When you have the responsibility to look after children in particular, it's just a smidgen selfish to sacrifice some of your potential to invest in their futures for the sake of following your own dreams. This is why it's better to take these kinds of risks when you're young.
My son is a year and a half old. Five months ago, I began working full-time for a startup.
Before joining the startup, I sat down with my wife and we decided on milestones, a budget, and a schedule for spending time with my son. I know how long I can afford to wait for ramen profitability, and how much money I need to earn in the first two years. And if it doesn't work out, my cofounders know when I would have to walk.
I won't pretend it's always easy. But I see my son more than most lawyers, doctors or consultants see their children. Since I'm not currently commuting, I spend more time with him than typical parents who attend night school after working full time.
Don't forget: A monthly paycheck can evaporate with little warning, and unemployment rates for 50-year-old programmers have often been brutal. If you're a programmer, and you choose the safe course every month, you don't guarantee safety for your family in 10 or 20 years time.
So live below your means, save aggressively, and take the occasional risk. Start a business. Go to night school. Take a 3 month sabbatical and study something intensely.
> Since I'm not currently commuting, I spend more time with him than typical parents who attend night school after working full time.
This. Commuting is soul killing, frustrating, expensive, emotionally taxing dead time. A few people enjoy driving quite a bit - for them, it's relaxation. But for the majority of people it's awful.
I loved Los Angeles when I visited there for business 3-4 times, so I moved there. I didn't realize how driving as a novelty turns into terribleness. Just getting groceries took 20 minutes of round trip driving - that's 20 minutes that ain't coming back. And I'm paying gas, insurance, registration, and maintenance for the pleasure of having my time stolen from me.
Never again. Walking cities or living immediately by my work in a mini-city-center for the rest of my life. I don't mind commuting on a train or ferry because I can read books, but commuter driving is a huge waste of time and life.
Amen to that. I did the LA commute (~3hrs/day) myself for several years before quitting. Never again. Now I live in Seattle and ride a scooter to work -- 10 minutes from door to door.
Good point about the evaporating safety. In 2007 I quit my job to do a startup. People told me I was crazy to leave a job for the uncertainty of a startup.
9 months later they shut down the office and fired everyone.
I couldn't disagree more. Some of the happiest people I know have parents who took risks when they had kids. It's not as if career risks in the modern world kill you!
My own father was never a happy man, and he did an awful job of hiding it. He felt his family to be a burden that prevented him from doing the things he really wanted to. I'll never inflict that on my own children - they'll see their father continue to follow his dreams, and I hope I'll act as a good example for them in the process.
Some of the happiest people I know have parents who took risks when they had kids
Successful risks, or horrendously unsuccessful risks?
An unsuccessful risk doesn't kill your kids. It just forces you to move to the crappy neighbourhood, with the crappy schools, where they'll get a somewhat crappier education and probably wind up with a lower standard of friends and peers. They'll never know what they missed out on, but they will miss out.
The ones I know all took many risks, with mixed success. One guy, who mentored me a lot when I was younger, always liked to tell me about how a lot of his early risks didn't pay off at all and so when he was in his early 40s and had 4 kids, he owned nothing and had to go back to working a crappy job for a few years before taking the next risk. Eventually many of his risks payed off. He did very well for himself, and has one of the happiest families I've ever known.
My counterpoint is -- yes, you may end up not having as much money to pay for your kids' stuff, but what really counts are the values you pass on to them. Being poor is hard. But teaching your kids the values of independent thought is best done by example. I learned young there's a price to pay for that. My parents paid it, but I never wanted anything different.
Sacrifice in what way, though? To have less money to spend on the family? Not sure what is more important, being able to buy the latest toys, or showing how to be successful in live and try to achieve your dreams.
What does my kid grow up for? To also end up with a mind numbing office drone job so that he can feed his family and raise more office drones?
Taking steps towards your dream can also help you realize that you want something different. I wanted to be an AI researcher throughout school. I also loved programming though, so I took a job as a systems programmer at a computer vision research lab with the intent of applying for Grad school later. It was perfect - I could cherry-pick good recommendations from people who went to top schools, and I would live happily ever after.
But now I'm glad I took this route, because working with researchers, I would clearly get more satisfaction in an engineering-style role than a researcher role. As a result, I have a new dream, and one that I work towards every day after work
As someone wisely said somewhere (it may have been here), time is not fungible. I find you only have so many hours of productive work in you per day, and you probably wouldn't have spent that TV-watching time doing something brilliant anyway.
I don't watch TV and I don't have time. Day job just makes me immensely tired. I do read a lot of HN, but only because I am frequently too tired for anything else.
I see my only hope in quitting the day job. How others manage to do significant things outside of the job is beyond me.
No, but there is frequently other stuff to do. There were some weekends where I could do some work (been doing the job for 8 weeks now), but not enough to make real progress. Overall it seems too unlikely to have time on weekends regularly.
Not yet, since I only started the job 8 weeks ago. I guess instead of just quitting, I should ask them if they have any other ideas for me. 3 days a week would be great...
One big lesson I've learned is that if you want something out of the ordinary, no one is spontaneously going to give it to you. You have to explicitly ask for it. And when you do, it's surprising how often you get a positive response.
I wonder how much the person the author was talking to was really dreaming about being an animator, and how much he was actually dreaming about not having the responsibilities that were "preventing" him from being an animator.
"Are their dreams not worth it? If not, why do we sulk about them later?"
Yes, their dreams are not worth it by their own account, and in their own words ("Are you crazy? Where will the paycheck come from?") and most importantly, as evidenced by their own actions. No, they won't sulk about it. Really. Not everyone has the passion it takes to change the world, take risks, or whatever it is that makes people like Jobs and Wozniak do what they did. There are a LOT of people who never let their eye off the ball called the next paycheck. Luckily for the rest of us, these people are called "customers". :-)
This is a classic 'follow your dream' that attracts classic 'man, face the reality' comments. However, there is no need to oppose one and the other.
I work for a company that was founded 6 years ago and grew to 130 people and 55 million pounds (85 million dollars) in yearly revenues by now. The company never took investment, was started without significant savings by one founder and is still expanding rapidly. We build innovative products, regularly receive awards and make acquisitions. Our profit margins are great. We're more successful than most other companies.
Yet, this company wasn't started as a usual startup. The business started by driving traffic to online shops using google ads. Doing this is actually hard work and it's very unsexy, techcrunch won't write about it and your friends won't say wow. But the company grew from one person to a small team, then to a larger team, the rest is history. Now that we're very profitable we can afford to innovate. Many projects that we started flopped but some survived and are either profitable or growing quickly. I have little doubt that the future of this company is very bright.
Starting a startup is like playing a lottery. Not only you have to invest some of your time and money into it, you also have to be lucky. Actually, you have to be very lucky. The line between success and failure when you have no cash reserves is extremely thin. You are free to take the risk but you should accept that most probably you'll fail.
A better way to innovate is to earn some money before you actually innovate. Our company did it by working in affiliate business, your way may be different. Our company didn't innovate when we could not afford to lose. However, once we could afford it, we opened a sizeable division responsible for innovations and it's paying off. As I've said, most projects fail but fortunately we can afford it. We learn and move on.
There's a difference between doing something and achieving a result. If you want to be a part of a startup, start one, it's free and easy, I've done it a couple of times. If you want to build a business and make money, find a way to pay for your mistakes and bad luck when it happens.
Go out and figure out how to make some money, not millions but a little bit in the least risky way. Affiliate traffic like our founder did? Maybe buying and selling stuff on ebay? Maybe something else. Just build an unsexy old-fashioned business that will generate money and then you'll be in a position to innovate, follow your dreams and all that stuff.
This worked for our founder and I'm pretty sure it's a much shorter path to success than learning to code at night or building the next twitter on weekends. If you want the result, ruthlessly minimize the risk even if it means building a less sexy business first. I guess this won't be a very popular advice though.
Can you share what company you're working for or any more details about the business?
The reason I'm asking is that I am the single founder(and sole employee) of an affiliate marketing/internet marketing business that's somewhat successful($XXX,XXX revenues) and I'm wondering what it takes to take the company to the next level and expand like your company did.
I know a lot of affiliates in the same position- living comfortably from their affiliate earnings but no way to achieve a rapid "hockey stick" growth curve. Of course, most are playing it safe and not innovating.
Shoot me an email to ilya[at]unviral.com, I would love to talk about this more.
I feel the same way, and I'm getting close to making such a move. But overall, there's a negative feedback loop keeping people from following their dreams. If enough people do, wages in other areas will rise, making them more attractive. We can't all be astronauts, somebody's got to unclog the toilet in the space station.
Then again, we could all be a little happier if our dream was something other than what made us money.
I don't like the dismissive 'fear of failure' and I don't like the default answer of 'what if you have a family' and this post has little else.
And failure isn't scary, being old and unaccomplished is? Come on, that deserves some more introspection than that! You're still driven by fear if that's the case.
Much more interesting is what are the real motivations if you don't accept fear of failure is the reason. Or if you do, then what to do about it. Or if you ask what is there about failure to be afraid
of (and you aren't allowed to say 'nothing really' because that dismisses the fact that you are afraid of it).
Motivation and fears are way more interesting than this gives them credit for.
Anyway, as for the guy in the story, if the guy's been "always wanting to get into animation and design" for 10 years, I have to wonder if that's just a conversation piece rather than a real desire. Though then again it could be he really is just ignorant on how to proceed, sort of like "I want to be rich" but not knowing a workable/desirable/easy-sounding path to it.
that's what i'm planning to do, i've noticed my employer that i will not continue working here past August and will try to bootstrap and dedicated myself to a personal project or two. Good thing i have an eepc, so that in a couple of months i can beg coins in the street with one hand and code with the other...
Great post, Amit! The biggest thing I learned in my first startup was that I had time to work on a side project. Even if it's just 5 hours a week, find something to create. Either come up with an idea yourself, or find someone who needs help with a startup.
really a very good piece of advice for me at this stage of my life... though I am working at my day job.. but already started to chase my dream... scarified a big pay check in abroad to work and make my dream successful..
I am not going to see back in my life and told that due to this or that reason I didn't followed my dream.. I will give my 100% and let's see whether I ll fail or succeed.. It doesn't matter whether I ll fail... I will rise again and again....
Nope. I agree with the article... I would've not argued either. Actually, I don't even try to persuade my closest friends that I've known for 15 years. Up until a couple of years ago, I loved preaching and talking about life goals, etc.. but I've realized that people won't listen to reasonable arguments when it comes to that.
Quitting your job and taking a risk is one of those things that you have to come to yourself, or not at all.
To be clear, I said that I would argue but I'm not saying it's the "right thing" to do in that situation. I really was more interested in everyone's opinion on that subject.
1) We forget our dreams and risks because if we have children or just people depending on us to put a roof over their heads and food on the table, we can't just drop everything.
2) Once you live in luxury, it is hard to drastically cut back a few months (like spend 1000 a month vs 3000) and then have enough money saved to just take a risk and hope for the best.
3) Even if YOU can achieve (2), your spouse might not be able to.
4) Loans, assist with this risk averseness, since you don't want to lose your house/invested money. Honestly this is why I am debt free. When a company I worked for went under, people were ripping their hair out, I was just smiling "cool, I got time to look for a better job".
5) In reality, you DO HAVE FREE TIME. I have 1 child (3yo), and a full time job, and a wife in college, AND I find time to r&r AND work on a startup, AND spend time with child/wife. If I have enough hours, no excuse for you. I have co-workers with even more responsibilities than I do AND they manage to find time for a side company.
In reality people who say "I don't have time" are just not willing to sacrifice anything for their dreams. Even if you fail you can at least live your life knowing you tried, if you succeed it feels even better, otherwise your whole life is spent envious of someone else's success.
... Yes, but also no. There are only 24 hours in a day. I've had quarters in school where my day contained roughly one hour of time not spent sleeping, traveling, in class, at work, or in lab. My choices: eat, or do something fun and starve, literally. It was close to two full time jobs, and IIRC I was spending my weekends replacing the engine in my car, which had exploded.
> In reality people who say "I don't have time" are just not willing to sacrifice anything for their dreams
You are technically correct, but some of those things I feel don't deserve disgust. For example, I'm unwilling to give up a minimum amount of sleep, a minimum amount of food, and school. The former two for obvious reasons.
How do you find the free time? I am simply too tired to do anything most evenings after work. I don't think it is just a matter of willpower, otherwise, why sleep at all. I don't watch TV, but I have 2 hours commute time per day.
If you still have energy in the evenings, you should consider yourself lucky, rather than be condescending.
That would be a huge problem, for me at least. I've had commutes like that before, and I had absolutely no energy left after the job and commute. Is there any way you can fix this?
I am still not decided that I want to keep the job (only doing it the second month), in the long run I would want to move. Meanwhile, I try to go by bicycle most of the time, so that at least the commute time can count as exercise. But granted, the 2 hours are probably severely missing from my time. Also, while I love the cycling, it's probably more tiring than other forms of travel.
Try doing it only once every two day, and decide to use the gathered time to do some work.
Time gathered back from other activities is very productive because you decided to sacrifice something, so you make a good use of it.
The extra commute time from riding may well be made up for by the extra energy it should give you now and the long-term benefits to your health and well-being.
My point was that you can do your full time job, and do side work as well. As long as there is no legal problems with that. If you want to come home and turn off your brain, then don't complain its the job that is stopping you. You can work many hrs, just that when I come home I don't work for x hrs straight. I have inspiration, I work for 20 minutes here and there. I have none, tomorrow is when it will happen. I try not to overwork myself too so I can still be good at the main job.
I couldn't agree more. It pisses me off when people say "I don't have the time." What they really mean, is that they don't want to make it a priority. People need to consider their time like an investment, and maybe they'll consider watching TV can be a waste of time. I wrote about this [http://techneur.com/post/535211849/dont-have-the-time]
Actually, it can help if you have a risk-averse spouse. We aggressively pay off our mortgage so that we'll be free of that expensive obligation sooner. It requires sacrifices from everyone, kids and parents--but we're not convinced that the most important portion of a child's upbringing is how much you spend on them.
Because we lose so much energy in general.
Because we don't take care of ourselves.
OP cites Tony Robbins. Anyone who has ever been to any Tony Robbins event knows that he always starts with health (eating right, exercising, and mental attitude) before addressing anything else. Because he already knows what many don't: if you're not feeling right, nothing else matters.
Almost all of us have ample energy in our teens and twenties. But as we get older, we have to make a conscious effort to maintain energy and vitality. Most people I know in their 30s, 40s, and 50s don't do nearly enough. We slow down, put on weight, and lose energy. It happens so gradually that we barely notice. And we blame everything else: family, finances, lifestyle, etc. And we avoid acknowledging the elephant in the room: it's awfully hard to get passionate about anything when we only have enough energy to plop down in front of the TV with a bag of chips.
Most people I know with the energy to accomplish a lot, regardless of age, take care of themselves, especially those working 2 jobs or running a side business.
All of the other reasons (fear of failure, responsibilities, etc.) make sense, but I wonder how many people don't follow their dreams simply because they've run out of energy by not taking good enough care of themselves.