Yeah I'm not German (except by ancestry) and I get really uncomfortable when conversations go like that. Why is this guy trying to convince me he's such a great dad? What's his angle with that? I would definitely not take something like that as a sincere "personal disclosure" from someone I'd never met. I'd take it as more like a greasy salesman tactic.
I don't know if you're familiar with the title (it's a classic on the subject), but my understanding is that, in China, Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is sold under the title: "The Weaknesses of Human Nature."
One more anecdote about that book. In his Playboy interview, Marlon Brando referred to it as "a book on hustling."
I bring this up because for some crazy reason, in the United States, this kind of "interpersonal communications" stuff is promoted as a great thing. And yet, like you say, it boils down to a person having an angle. I read that book when I was a freshman in college and thought it was fantastic. A little while later though I read the Marlon Brando interview, and after my initial shock I realized that he was basically right.
For every individual who develops a "genuine interest in other people" (as the book implores its readers to do), there have to be five or ten others who read that book and think only how it will help them make a buck.
However Carnegie doesn't advocate self-disclosure. Quite the opposite - he advises shutting up about yourself (and your organization, product, etc.) and listening to the other person.
That's the way I understood his writings as well. The older I get the more I disagree on that. It is just as important to share and position one's own identity and actively communicate it.
I would agree entirely because I recognized this sometime in my early 20s and never looked back. Now I have a very, very select handful of friends that are all incredible people, but can't get along easily with 4 out of 5 people... I think mostly because I'm suspicious of why they're being personable and talking to me right now. Hell, I think Dale Carnagie made me so jaded I can't function in society, but that's mostly on me.
Because it's too verbose. Better left as "Bob: Sounds great. Glad you didn't say Wednesday because I'm with my daughters that day."
Seems more incidental and less tactical. Leave it to the listener to comprehend that Bob has a regular day caring for children. It's also enough for the listener to share that they also have kids, etc.
Have you ever thought that maybe you may be the one with the personality problem? Why would anyone assume the worst of someone else trying to make a good impression on them?
I just try to be as much of myself as I can. No use trying to please people looking to find offense. It's exhausting worrying all of the time about what other people think. It's easier for me to just be myself and make no apologies for it. If they like me great. If they don't, that is fine too. Can't please everyone and don't have the time to focus on pleasing everyone.
Additionally, I am perfectly happy if someone thinks I'm important enough to them that they need to sell themselves to me or would even want to put in the effort to build a personal relationship with me.
FWIW there's a saying that goes: "Never trust someone who is too nice to you"
In fact, there's at least one study that has shown that "those who are highly nice to their peers are more likely to stab them in the back than their less polite counterparts"
ymmv and all that, but there's a fine line between being friendly and coming off as a slimy salesman. Many (most?) people's defenses go waaaay up if you cross that line.
I know people who cultivate the self-disclosure thing and it always comes off as kind of awkward and weird. A little bit forced, you know? Like, this feels very calculated, why are you doing this.
I don't see how second-guessing everyone's motivations and looking for hidden motives in every single thing they say or do can be "soothing", but to each his own.
As a cynic, yeah it sucks, but a lot of time it develops as a defense mechanism and feels like it can be defeated with a lot of soul-searching, self-improvement, and just trying.
What a rude way to make a point. Maybe you meant something like "Interestingly, the same approach would be perceived differently in Germany I think, and would perhaps come off as egotistical"
Maybe you would be better served by a less confrontational way of making your own point, perhaps something like "I think your otherwise valid point would be made more effectively if it were couched in less emotionally abrasive language, such as
'I think the same approach would be perceived differently in Germany, perhaps coming off as egotistical.'"
