I'm sorry math has brought you frustration and shame. I agree that it seems much easier for some people than others, though there's so much room for improvement in how it's taught.
About the cry-for-help part: I recently started reading Visual Group Theoryhttp://web.bentley.edu/empl/c/ncarter/vgt/ which looks to be gentle and illuminating. The style so far is quite different from a typical math textbook. Another book I've read more of was Turtle Geometry by Abelson and diSessa (the same Abelson who cowrote SICP). It can get difficult, but it's also very unusual: it's about exploring mathematical ideas for yourself by programming, and includes both hints and solutions to its suggested problems.
About the cry-for-help part: I recently started reading Visual Group Theory http://web.bentley.edu/empl/c/ncarter/vgt/ which looks to be gentle and illuminating. The style so far is quite different from a typical math textbook. Another book I've read more of was Turtle Geometry by Abelson and diSessa (the same Abelson who cowrote SICP). It can get difficult, but it's also very unusual: it's about exploring mathematical ideas for yourself by programming, and includes both hints and solutions to its suggested problems.