Schedule a private 1-on-1, and tell her point blank, "I've noticed that you do <X/Y/Z> to me and it makes me uncomfortable. Why do you do <X/Y/Z> to me?"
Either she'll explain why she's a jerk, in which case you can ask her not to do that anymore, or she'll realize she'd been doing something she wasn't aware of and stop. If she feigns ignorance, then you switch from inquisitive to commanding: "Treating me like <X/Y/Z> is negatively impacting my ability to deliver work to the company/team. I need you to stop treating me like <X/Y/Z> in order to achieve our team's objectives. If you don't stop treating me like <X/Y/Z>, I will have to involve [her boss]." She may deny some or all of this, but it doesn't matter. You're not trying to argue, you're trying to make her aware so she can't feign ignorance to her superiors.
Make sure you record the conversation on your smartphone. I've gotten to the point where I record all of my time I spend in the office in order to protect me against claims of sexism because of how detrimental it can be to my career.
By structuring the conversation in terms of your work performance, you can help convince her, her superiors, and the court (if it comes to that) that she is in the wrong and that you're a victim. If you don't record it though, none of it matters.
"I've noticed that you do <X/Y/Z> to me and it makes me uncomfortable. Why do you do <X/Y/Z> to me?"
Uhhmm ... well, I'm not sure this is the best approach, in my opinion.
1)
By framing the discussion as 'why do you do this to me'? It makes the assumption that 'she possibly did something wrong' etc. etc.. It's just a shade accusatory, and I'll bet $100 this person will assume as much.
2)
"Either she'll explain why she's a jerk, in which case you can ask her not to do that anymore, or she'll realize she'd been doing something she wasn't aware of and stop."
There's no chance of the former, and a very small chance of the latter.
If you're going to have a 1-on-1, I think it should probably avoid the specifics of the past (because it will just be something to argue over) - and say something like:
"Hey, Mary Sue, it seems we got off on the wrong foot here, I'm pretty new, I don't know how things work, why don't you help me figure out how we can work together and get things done"
1) By being a somewhat apologetic without admitting any wrongdoing ...
2) By avoiding 'things in the past' to nitpick ...
3) By assuming some humility about 'being new' and therefore maybe not knowing everything ...
4) By not making any reference to her 'doing anything wrong' or 'being wrong' ...
5) By being 'forward looking' and 'trying figure out ways to get stuff done' ...
She'll likely give you a piece of her mind with respect to what she expects in terms of working together. How she handles that might help you decide wether to stay or leave.
> I've gotten to the point where I record all of my time I spend in the office in order to protect me against claims of sexism because of how detrimental it can be to my career.
I don't know about your employer's policies. But my employer would definitely fire me if they found out I was doing this. I don't think this advice is generally applicable.
Either she'll explain why she's a jerk, in which case you can ask her not to do that anymore, or she'll realize she'd been doing something she wasn't aware of and stop. If she feigns ignorance, then you switch from inquisitive to commanding: "Treating me like <X/Y/Z> is negatively impacting my ability to deliver work to the company/team. I need you to stop treating me like <X/Y/Z> in order to achieve our team's objectives. If you don't stop treating me like <X/Y/Z>, I will have to involve [her boss]." She may deny some or all of this, but it doesn't matter. You're not trying to argue, you're trying to make her aware so she can't feign ignorance to her superiors.
Make sure you record the conversation on your smartphone. I've gotten to the point where I record all of my time I spend in the office in order to protect me against claims of sexism because of how detrimental it can be to my career.
By structuring the conversation in terms of your work performance, you can help convince her, her superiors, and the court (if it comes to that) that she is in the wrong and that you're a victim. If you don't record it though, none of it matters.