I'm going to be honest: I thought this was hilarious and I posted it for this gem:
"Inside appears a vast, lush forest. I smell sweet wildflowers and damp soil. Hm, doesn’t seem to be so bad. Suddenly living vines grasp me from all directions and I notice towering carnivorous plants approaching. Thinking quickly, I shred through the biomass with my blades and continue forward. They are too many, though. For every vine I slash two more seem to grasp me.
I am about to lose hope when I realize that the thick trees are not bearing typical fruit, but packaged food products like twizzlers and oreos and…Coffiest! I rejoice. I free one hand by slashing a particularly thick vine, and lunge at the bottle, severing it neatly from the tree and the cap in one motion. I catch it in the same hand and promptly imbibe it.
With newfound strength and energy I begin making forward progress again. These plants can’t hold me back. At the end is a sheer wall with a single redwood tree, must be 30 in diameter, climbing to the top. I dig in to the trunk with my blades and make the grueling climb to the top.
Another glass case, which I slash cleanly through with my left blade, contain two matching Asus Zenwatch 3’s. Awesome. I put them on, one on each wrist, and use the key to open the circular door.
“Well done Mr Rhinehart” the same voice from before booms through the chamber. “But greater founders than you have failed the final test”
I notice I am standing on a vast expanse of steel grating with bubbling lava beneath me. The room seems to expand infinitely in all directions. I am just beginning to feel the extreme heat and tearing off what is left of my shirt when suddenly something hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer. I double over, the wind knocked out of me, and feel the steel grid shaking beneath me.
As I look up from my crouched position I see a massive white unicorn charging directly towards me, its brilliant skin reflecting heat and light and its sinuous muscles rippling with rage. Its horn is razor sharp and covered with diamonds. Thick pink laser beams periodically blast from its eyes. Another beam strikes me in the shoulder and knocks me flat on my back. I skid backwards several feet and panic when I realize I’ve lost grip on my right blade.
Another beam seems trained on my skull when I instinctively lift my right wrist to protect my face. The laser beam harmlessly bounces off the face of the Asus ZenWatch 3 and disappears in to the darkness. Suddenly I realize I stand a chance.
I take a moment and marvel at the beauty of the creature.
“Such a shame I must destroy you, beast” I shout in its direction, which seems to anger it even further."
"Inside appears a vast, lush forest. I smell sweet wildflowers and damp soil. Hm, doesn’t seem to be so bad. Suddenly living vines grasp me from all directions and I notice towering carnivorous plants approaching. Thinking quickly, I shred through the biomass with my blades and continue forward. They are too many, though. For every vine I slash two more seem to grasp me.
I am about to lose hope when I realize that the thick trees are not bearing typical fruit, but packaged food products like twizzlers and oreos and…Coffiest! I rejoice. I free one hand by slashing a particularly thick vine, and lunge at the bottle, severing it neatly from the tree and the cap in one motion. I catch it in the same hand and promptly imbibe it.
With newfound strength and energy I begin making forward progress again. These plants can’t hold me back. At the end is a sheer wall with a single redwood tree, must be 30 in diameter, climbing to the top. I dig in to the trunk with my blades and make the grueling climb to the top.
Another glass case, which I slash cleanly through with my left blade, contain two matching Asus Zenwatch 3’s. Awesome. I put them on, one on each wrist, and use the key to open the circular door.
“Well done Mr Rhinehart” the same voice from before booms through the chamber. “But greater founders than you have failed the final test”
I notice I am standing on a vast expanse of steel grating with bubbling lava beneath me. The room seems to expand infinitely in all directions. I am just beginning to feel the extreme heat and tearing off what is left of my shirt when suddenly something hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer. I double over, the wind knocked out of me, and feel the steel grid shaking beneath me.
As I look up from my crouched position I see a massive white unicorn charging directly towards me, its brilliant skin reflecting heat and light and its sinuous muscles rippling with rage. Its horn is razor sharp and covered with diamonds. Thick pink laser beams periodically blast from its eyes. Another beam strikes me in the shoulder and knocks me flat on my back. I skid backwards several feet and panic when I realize I’ve lost grip on my right blade.
Another beam seems trained on my skull when I instinctively lift my right wrist to protect my face. The laser beam harmlessly bounces off the face of the Asus ZenWatch 3 and disappears in to the darkness. Suddenly I realize I stand a chance.
I take a moment and marvel at the beauty of the creature.
“Such a shame I must destroy you, beast” I shout in its direction, which seems to anger it even further."