Another thing is we don't have much practice as parents over our life time. A quick google says US has 1.87 children per family. So we end up having ~2 kicks at the can, raising our children the best we can, with the results only coming years later and obfuscated by different cultures, wealth, etc.
We end up relying on "back in my day" anecdotal experiences. Often just based on our ideals and preferences which will be different from one family to the next. Yes, empathy without judging would go a long way. Crazy to think that my way is the best for everyone.
This is good. When people had 6 kids over 25 years, the older children learned how to raise kids by raising their younger siblings, and the younger children learned how to raise kids by watching their older siblings have kids.
I come from a chaotic family tree. I'm the youngest of 5 spread across ~30 years. On the upside, yeah, I think I can attest to a lot of what you're saying.
On the downside, most people can't relate and you have an odd mix of "old" and "young" behaviors...
I spent a lot of my life optimizing for adult relationships, and now I've got kids with behaviors that are normal for kids but in adults would be self-destructive, irrational, psychotic, and like a drug addict.
We end up relying on "back in my day" anecdotal experiences. Often just based on our ideals and preferences which will be different from one family to the next. Yes, empathy without judging would go a long way. Crazy to think that my way is the best for everyone.