I believe that your experiences are somewhat related to the apologist behavior he mentions in the first paragraph. I'm easy going as well and I've never been terribly bothered by people mistaking me for somebody else as a result.
That being said, I can see how it would be bothersome especially if a source of the confusion was due to something I'm sensitive about. I imagine (from your post) it'd be like if somebody mixed you up with "that other guy who isn't good enough to be a front end engineer". Even if both of you were plenty qualified to be front end engineers, due to your sensitivity it might be a little bit more raw. Thankfully most of us don't have to walk around with evidence of our sensitive issues all over our bodies.
The cross-race effect is a thing [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-race_effect] and is not unique to whites making this mistake, so it's a little bothersome that someone would have a problem if you get mistaken for someone else. I think it can be an honest mistake that anyone can make.
That being said, I can see how it would be bothersome especially if a source of the confusion was due to something I'm sensitive about. I imagine (from your post) it'd be like if somebody mixed you up with "that other guy who isn't good enough to be a front end engineer". Even if both of you were plenty qualified to be front end engineers, due to your sensitivity it might be a little bit more raw. Thankfully most of us don't have to walk around with evidence of our sensitive issues all over our bodies.