I wonder if I'm going through a bit of a manic state right now. I've just had surgery, had to take a relatively large amount of of oxycontene to deal with the severe pain, I may consider that I can change things in an organization going through turmoil (though I really can't), I'm trying to fix heaps of bugs in an important code base, but sleeping and having weird dreams like believing that Rolf Harris is my relative (bloody disturbing) and waking up feeling disturbed, but in pain.

Whatever it is, it's horrible. I'm sorry the author went through worse than this!