I like the idea, but is "forgiving yourself" even a thing you can consciously do? Probably, but I'm not sure. The study did not ask people to actively choose to forgive themselves, just whether they had forgiven themselves. That's a rather different thing.
If I rationally decide to say "I forgive myself for having slacked off", I'm not sure I'll actually feel forgiven deep inside. I strongly suspect, however, that self-forgiveness can be difficult but can be practiced.
Does anyone here have experience to share? Did anyone ever consciously practice self-forgiveness? It seems like an interesting approach to me.
It's one of those things that's easier said than done, like "just letting go" (the word 'just' in that phrase is brutal). But I think it can be practiced. Imagine in an ideal sense the love a parent has for their child. It's an unconditional love, one that comes without strings attached or any expectation of greatness beyond the miracle of that child's very existence. Tough love, sometimes, but not necessarily contingent. The trick is to find a way to give that to yourself. It takes time.
Procrastination, like other problems of self-improvement, is multilayered. Some of my friends who constantly agonize over their productivity levels confound me, because often from my vantage point they seem perfectly well adjusted, if not for the constant feeling like they should be doing more. Other times procrastination is a response to stress or trauma that needs to be addressed on its own. Some kinds of distraction are arguably more of a reflection of changes in our culture than individual pathologies. Sometimes you just need an egg timer. Sometimes human beings are just garden-variety imperfect.
At the risk of venturing in cheesy territory, I'd recommend checking out Brene Brown's TED talks on vulnerability and shame, if you're not already familiar with them.
"Forgiving yourself" may not be the best advice for all procrastinators, but I think the idea is that when many people procrastinate, it causes them extra stress when the decision comes back to bite them. A part of that stress is simply because they have less time to do what they need, but another component is that they are kicking themselves for being stupid in the past. Forgiving yourself lets you remove the stress from the latter part, and thus would reduce the total amount.
I'm the exact opposite. I used to slack a LOT more, and have cut down on it heavily since my school days. Back then I would regularly last night assignments and pull multiple all nighters to do it, because I _knew I could_. As long as I subconsciously knew "I can get this down in the delta between now->due date" I would put it off, even if that delta involved not sleeping/eating/etc, and "Forgiving myself" only made it worse since I'd just keep doing it.
It was when I got into industry, and instead was posed with the equation of "If I didn't rush, I would have done better work, and more effectively used the time of the people paying me", which had enough external variables that the need to change became pressing. I used (and still use) the feelings of guilt at wasting my bosses time, the feelings of falling behind in my skill/learnings, and dominatingly (as I get older) the feeling of "There just isn't enough time in the day" to force myself off of procrastination every time I notice myself doing it too much.
Take this with the context that I've never been one for positive reinforcement. Seeing my own flaws and failings drives me far more than getting a pat on the back. I think you hit the nail on the head re: rationality, as that I don't think I _could_ forgive myself even if I tried, I wouldn't really internalize believing it in a way that would impact my behavior.
(And aptly, I've now procrastinated enough in writing this, and need to be back to reading docs :) )
A fair point; I try and take it a different way (as opposed to their having leverage over me), if my conscience is clear in terms of having done GOOD WORK and not wasted any time by procrastinating, they have _less_ leverage from my point of view, since I know I've been delivering 100% and can come from a position of strength.
In terms of motivating myself by negatives instead of positives, that's something I've put literally decades in trying to adjust and something I'm not sure I'll ever break myself of. It's too useful in other areas (looking critically at my own code, looking critically at problem spaces, being unbiased in introspection) that as with the OPs point of not truly internalizing something despite agreeing logically that "X should be this way", I'm not sure I could truly internalize looking at things in a positive light.
I think changing yourself goes like this: thoughts->emotions->habits. You need a clear victory(albeit a philosophical one) in neocortex so that you can start to train your limbic system.
If I rationally decide to say "I forgive myself for having slacked off", I'm not sure I'll actually feel forgiven deep inside. I strongly suspect, however, that self-forgiveness can be difficult but can be practiced.
Does anyone here have experience to share? Did anyone ever consciously practice self-forgiveness? It seems like an interesting approach to me.