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How to say nothing in 500 words (apostate.com)
71 points by jonp on Dec 21, 2009 | hide | past | favorite | 18 comments



Rule 1: Find subject matter that actually is interesting.

Rule 2: Find subject matter that the reader doesn't already know about.

There. Your job just got 300% easier.


On the one hand, the linked essay is addressing a restrictive situation: sometimes you are asked to write on a particular subject for a particular audience, and you don't have a choice. This can happen in the classroom, on the job, or at a family reunion. It's a useful skill to be able to write well in that situation.

On the other hand, the linked essay gives the same advice you do. If you're given a topic you find boring, find something about it that's interesting. If you're writing for an informed reader, write something even the informed reader hasn't seen before.


It's a useful skill to be able to write well in that situation.

I guess I'm of a class of people who disagree with this assertion. My counter-assertion is that all contrived writing is a waste of time, both for the writer and a reader.

Early in school, I had a tendency to procrastinate such assignments. What I found useful from these experiences was recognizing the fundamental distastefulness early and giving myself permission simply not to do it. One always has a choice.


"I guess I'm of a class of people who disagree with this assertion. My counter-assertion is that all contrived writing is a waste of time, both for the writer and a reader."

I disagree with you in two ways.

First, what I described is not "contrived writing". Just because it's uninteresting doesn't mean it's not useful. Neither the report your boss wants, nor the descriptions of activities for the family reunion, are contrived. They're useful documents that are boring to write and unexciting to read. Your pleasure is not the final word on the value of an activity.

Second, contrived writing can be a great use of time. Contrived exercises are useful for improving your skills in many different fields. From soccer, to engineering, to martial arts, to penmanship, to mathematics, to knitting, contrived exercises perform a very useful function: they're controlled, limited exercises to practice a particular skill. They give you safety (because they're not dangerous to your health or reputation) and allow you to focus on a small part of the full skill set.

And finally, one always has a choice, but there are consequences for one's choices. If you refuse to write that boring report for your boss, you might lose your job. If you refuse to write the paper for class, you might fail the class, and not get to take the classes you are more interested in. If you don't do the soccer drills, you won't have the ball-handling skills during the game. Sometimes the trade-off between the temporary pain of boring work and the reward it brings is worth the pain.


Neither the report your boss wants, nor the descriptions of activities for the family reunion, are contrived.

Again, we disagree. The content itself may not contrived[1], but the writing assignment, the form, is contrived.

Your pleasure is not the final word on the value of an activity.

No disagreement here. However, pleasure[2] is the first word, and, for my philosophy, the most significant in decision making.

Contrived exercises are useful for improving your skills in many different fields.

No disagreement here, either. However, we do, perhaps, disagree in the relative usefulness of exercises versus learn-by-doing. Moreover, if the field in question is not of ultimate interest, either method of learning has its usefulness devalued.

They give you safety

This appears to imply a false dichotomy. Safety isn't an absolute. My philosophy, especially wrt reputation, has become much less risk-averse with experience. This is what has drawn me to the startups more and more.

If you refuse to write that boring report for your boss, you might lose your job. If you refuse to write the paper for class, you might fail the class, and not get to take the classes you are more interested in

...and good riddance. Despite the appearance of flippancy, it is exactly the early acceptance of such consequences that I have found to be the valuable skill.

Perhaps there is a converse to the "do what you love" meme: don't do what you hate.

Sometimes the trade-off between the temporary pain of boring work and the reward it brings is worth the pain.

We likely only disagree on how often "sometimes" is. For my own experience, it has been close enough to "never" that I prefer to err on that side.

Substitute "difficult" for "boring," and my conclusion reverses.

[1] In the case of the boss, it can easily become so.

[2] Perhaps "satisfaction" or "mental stimulation" would be a better description, since I don't believe we're talking about hedonism.


Not 305%?


I found it odd that there was no conclusion or summary- it just ended. It was a great read with a lot of great advice, however I felt it ended in an anticlimactic way.


I thought the end was clever.


F, Lacks Conclusion, See me


The second half reminds me of one of my all-time favorite pieces of writing advice, Orwell's Politics and the English Language:

http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm


The tragic part is that our schooling system often punishes the creative, rich writing the author advocates. The good teachers may recognize it and reward it, but the bad teachers will just take points off because you are "missing an introductory paragraph."

This is why standardized writing tests hold a special place in my bitter heart - they codify the fear of deviation and require you to spew mediocre crap - as long as it's mediocre crap spelled correctly with a topic sentence in each paragraph.


I needed this article as a daily blogger. Thanks for the save. I'm a terribly abstract, generalist. I'm surprised more readers haven't gouged their eyes out after reading my work.


Hi, my name is Ian, and I don't always omit needless words. I'm so sorry.


Don't miss George Orwell's take on this subject:

http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm


There's a term in Chinese to describe this, it's called 八股文

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eight-legged_essay

The funny part is, it's invented about the same time as English language :)


As someone once said, "Omit needless words!"


"Omit needless words!"





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