I agree with the title of the article, but disagree with its thesis. Anger is an emotional sign from your brain that something is wrong. And actually sitting down to write the angry email makes me actually think everything through. Without identifying the source of my anger, the rage just builds.
But then, for the love of Linus, don't actually click send. This is like committing untested, breaking social code straight to production. It might work out for the best, but only if you're lucky. Like all writing, it needs to be refactored and edited; it needs to achieve a purpose other than making you feel temporarily justified. So wait an hour if you're a little angry. Wait six hours if you're a lot angry. (I wish Gmail could detect angry emails and replace "send" with a hamburger button, then I'd definitely have to calm down to figure out how to send it.)
But anger is not useless. I've launched websites because of a long, slow-burning ire at other sites, and it fueled my work for years. It's possible to channel rage into creative work. So, if your brain works that way, use it to show your own correctness and creativity, not another's problems.
But then, for the love of Linus, don't actually click send.
Quotable classic! LOL.
True, anger can be a fuel to get things done. But it's not a good fuel to use for long term sustainability. Blood pressure and stress are killers, my friend. There's got to be another way.
I have battled with an angry temperament my whole life. Stocked up on all kinds of CBT material. I'm 42 and as the mist and fog of testosterone is clearing with age, I can now see myself with a bit more sharper focus. It's hilarious. Sometimes I am baffled that I blew so much steam over something trivial! :-( Then the shame of getting angry follows shortly thereafter. Which then makes me angry with myself about the whole affair. Somewhat.
I've also noticed something interesting over the years ... that a lot of folks with what we call "shorter fuses" are often used for mild entertainment by others who deliberately provoke "short fusers". The sooner the "angros" realise that they are entertainment for others, the quicker they will recover from being reactionary personalities. Let the psychopaths find other forms of entertainment.
I grew up as an exercise-induced asthmatic kid, often sidelined in sports and games. I don't know whether this has shaped my mildly resentful, impatient and contrarian personality. (I am not ready to call myself cynical yet!) :-)
It has taken me decades of personal rehabilitation in the company of a loving, caring, understanding and forgiving wife.
God bless the Beauty whose job it is to tame the Beast! (I'm going to hug her right away!)
When I was angry with my client I always wrote a letter detailing all the things that I find at fault. It was usually pretty long letter filled with various mean things, some of them gratuitous.
But when I finished the letter and all that was left to do was send, I didn't.
Instead after letting it all out off my chest and considering why exactly I hate what he does (so I can clearly write about it) I was tired of hating and clearly saw what what effect my email could have (never improvement)... only then I was able to write the second email with some constructive and to the point answers, suggestions and questions that could help continue the relationship in bearable manner.
I know there's been research that venting physically actually doesn't help, only prolongs anger and promotes violent behavior and thoughts in the future.
But writing about your ails in the form of a letter, so you really have to think it through helps you go straight to acceptance and sort of exhausts your emotion. At least for me.
This is a good point. I ways try to remain (or at least project) calm in the face of crisis.
On the occasions where I find myself really angry to the point of wanting to lashing out, usually the issue is something that I don't understand, didn't pay attention to, or didn't anticipate.
Writing a letter can be part of the OODA loop that helps me calm down. The act of writing is also observation, the orientation is the analysis of what's up, and then I can make a rational decision for moving forward. The key is not making emotional decisions -- that's where trouble starts.
But then, for the love of Linus, don't actually click send. This is like committing untested, breaking social code straight to production. It might work out for the best, but only if you're lucky. Like all writing, it needs to be refactored and edited; it needs to achieve a purpose other than making you feel temporarily justified. So wait an hour if you're a little angry. Wait six hours if you're a lot angry. (I wish Gmail could detect angry emails and replace "send" with a hamburger button, then I'd definitely have to calm down to figure out how to send it.)
But anger is not useless. I've launched websites because of a long, slow-burning ire at other sites, and it fueled my work for years. It's possible to channel rage into creative work. So, if your brain works that way, use it to show your own correctness and creativity, not another's problems.