I also want to point out that the feeling of being sick/tired after your 'episode' is also very common. As I've been told by a doctor, this is due to your brain going in overdrive for a few days, and then crashing. Typically it results in a a deep depression.
It always starts out small like this though, and it's extremely common for a person after their first few episodes to still not believe they have Schizophrenia, so please don't trust yourself.
I should also be clear, we could be talking about Schizoaffective Disorder. Schizophrenia is sort of umbrella term. I find it's often used incorrectly. Lots of people who suffer still have prolonged periods of being completely normal and lucid, some even go into year long remissions. It's a complicated disease, and you've displayed the tell-tale first sign almost to a T.
OP, I would advise you to get help in person from professionals, not from friends, family, and the internet.
Ziles88, while you are sincerely trying to be helpful, the DSM-5 criteria for Schizoaffective Disorder requires 2 continuous weeks of psychotic symptoms without mood symptoms, not 2 days accompanied by mood. The criteria were changed precisely because it was being diagnosed incorrectly.
but even better is to stick with actual symptoms and stay away from labels; the labels cover broad ranges of symptoms in a way that is useful to trained professionals who understand the nuances and limitations, but individuals don't show such ranges.
I have a close family member, and close friend who both suffer from Schizophrenia. Although I'd hate to make any type of diagnosis over a medium like this, I feel you've been descriptive enough for me to make an educated guess.
Schizophrenia is a fairly complex disorder with varying levels of severity. What you described sounds very close to what a lot of people describe as their first 'episode', which commonly comes between the ages of 18-30. It includes what you've described, a long period of being awake, with intense thoughts, paranoia, and a inescapable need to 'do something' (such as wipe your devices).
One of the greatest challenges of dealing with this is finding treatment fast enough before the disease progresses. Often once it progresses, the person no longer is able to realize something is wrong. As you've described it, you still have that sinking feeling that something isn't right. Often at this stage general practitioners will not understand the disease enough to make a diagnosis, so it's important you see a trained psychiatrist as soon as possible.
For your question about evaluating your condition objectively, this is part of the core treatment of Schizophrenia and it's related disorders, so it would be best a doctor helps you with this. Adderral is a known to aggravate Schizophrenia as it interferes with Dopamine, I'd advise to cut down or stop taking it until you can speak to a doctor. There is also a very small chance you are experiencing a reaction to long term Adderall use it's self, experiencing a Amphetamine psychosis which has very symptoms to Schizophrenia but is temporary. Do not risk it though, for a lot of people if Schizophrenia advances, they are unable, or refuse to seek treatment.
Thank you for that answer. My "hopeful" theory is that I did get hacked and maybe overreacted too much. However, if I am being honest, regardless I think it is likely amphetamine psychosis. I have been taking it for 3months but as month 4 started I began to take a bit more at times, possibly leading to these symptoms.
I think being somewhat paranoid is positive, but I need to have a better way to assess the underlying concerns rationally and not from a paranoid/worst case view.
A simple question is, "What value would someone get from intruding on my life?" If you're not a corporate CEO, a politician, a billionaire, etc chances are that the risk someone would target you to upend your life are extremely low. Either way, it's good you are documenting your experience. This could help when describing what you're going through to a physician. Please seek medical help, you sound like you are a bright individual that just needs a helping hand right now.
Thanks. I tried to keep my post somewhat objective but biased towards the more outlandish aspects of my claim.
> what value would someone get
People do it for the lulz. I posted a snarkey advert saying I couldn't find anything outside of Wordpress tweaks on Craigslist and included a bit about security and people asking to hack Facebook. Said it would be cool if someone in security was interested, but doubted it due to their market value, was looking for a wed developer (like me) or a designer to collaborate with.
> got a message with a ridiculously long troll response about being a ms in CS who casually designs machine learning algorithms but does know the basics of building a computer from scratch. Take my word for it, total troll.
> got a message asking to hack Facebook fake arcade slots for points. Really needed "fake coins for this game". Was pushy.
> got a response asking what country I was in because "what they wanted might be better served by someone not in the us for a couple reasons..." Was pushy.
> was told I was a "script kiddie" even though I never claimed I was a hacker and said I was a simple web dev. Link to Metasploit video and other black hat resources
> several other messages
> had upgraded to El Capitan. That day I had 50gb of traffic on my network. Typically 2.5-5 or less.
> couldn't reach cloud flare network.
> during boot to recovery halfway through load my screen would blink and reset the load bar.
> phone was getting killed battery wise drained while off
> tcpdump outgoing requests to random servers. Not sure if I read results correctly but some did not seem like requests that made sense. I have icefloor on and ALF set up. Maybe legit, just seemed weird to go to random servers.
> console showed 4000 errors. Many are related to El Capitan and don't know how to interpret them. Several seemed sketchy but maybe this was me misinterpreting them. I saved some of the logs.
From what you've been going through it sounds extremely likely you are experiencing stimulant psychosis, but the best way to approach this objectively is to have your psychiatrist do the assessment.
PLEASE contact your psychiatrist / psychiatrist's office about this RIGHT NOW -- call them and make an appointment or otherwise discuss treatment options over the phone, tell them you're concerned you may be experiencing amphetamine psychosis or something else -- they are trained to make this call and have seen it thousands of times before.
Time is of the essence, it's much more effective to seek treatment before a condition worsens. This can be a dangerous state to be in, and there are treatments that will help you get through this safely.
If there's nothing going on, they will help you confirm that. If not, they may save your life.
It's possible, if not likely, you may need to briefly visit a hospital for supervised treatment -- understand that's a perfectly common thing and the most safe, smart option.
It's also worth noting that there are effective non-stimulant treatment options for ADHD now if that is what you are being treated for. So getting treated for this won't mean you can't still be treated for that -- your psychiatrist will help you find an optimal plan.
If your psychiatrist is unavailable or you do not have one, contact your primary care physician's emergency line. If you have neither of those providers, you can contact me and I can find you the right number to contact for assistance for your state/region -- my username @ gmail.
Also happy to talk through anything with you as well, same email. Wish you the best!
> had upgraded to El Capitan. That day I had 50gb of traffic on my network. Typically 2.5-5 or less.
After upgrading an iMac to OSX El Capitan the Photos.app decided to upload all photos on the iMac to iCloud. I consider it to be a bug since all photos on the mac originally came via iCloud from my iPhone. Seems unnecessary for Photos.app to upload every single file again, but it did.
Network bandwidth was saturated (high packet loss, almost useless) for a few days until Photos.app was done uploading.
I agree that you should get some psychiatric help (I can sympathize with your condition), but the 'battery draining while off' gives me pause. How bad was the battery drain, and was the device 'off' or 'sleeping'?
After reading what you just wrote here, I am now much more convinced you are experiencing a Schizophrenic episode. Please please seek treatment immediately.
This is a lot of Adderall. Consider lowering or stopping your dosages. See a primary care physician ASAP, or go to a hospital if you feel in danger, and talk to him/her about stopping your dosage and alternatives to Adderall.
Over the course of a day, if you've been taking it for years, it doesn't seem like much. I have heard of doctors prescribing 30mg (20 morning, 10 at noon) for people brand new to it.
my doctor prescribed me 40mgs, first time. I have been on it ~4 months. I take 20 in the morning and 20 in the afternoon. I don't think it is a totally massive amount, but I am posting in my own thread about whether or not I am insane. I am going to try and cut my dosage in half though, because that seems like quite a bit.
' I take aderall (40mg) daily, slightly more recently' paranoia is a frequent side effect from amphetamines, which is what adderall is. It's very easy to slip on it and you state yourself that you are taking more than your prescribed dose. I'd recommend getting off this junk as soon as possible, I've watched the side effects first hand. You're not crazy (most likely, based on the evidence so far). If you must take a stimulant, have you talked to your doc about modafinil instead? Please, be aware of the impact a psychostimulant has on your reasoning - it's easy to convince yourself it's not the problem. I wish you well and also please make sure to sleep properly and don't take any late in the day, sleep deprivation leads to paranoia as well.
What you describe can have many explanations, and is nowhere near an extreme diagnosis such as Schizophrenia.
Anybody's brain can react the way yours did to stress; many brains are less able to handle stress; stress comes in many forms, including PTSD, drugs, alcohol, anxiety, and even lack of sleep.
You shouldn't be taking Adderol without medical supervision and whoever is supervising you taking needs to be qualified to handle this.
Bossrat, you're speaking in platitudes, and being vague. No there are not many explanations for multi day long psychosis. In fact, psychosis from Adderal and all those other things you mentioned is a more rare side-effect than the percentage of people who will get Schizophrenia to begin with. So please, fully understand a topic before you interject.
Please realize Schizophrenia affects 1.1% of the American population, and that's just the general form, and that which is diagnosed. The real number is likely higher. It is neither an 'extreme diagnosis' nor is it that rare.
you are simply wrong to run around diagnosing people as having schizophrenia based on your anecdotal experience. As I explained in another reply to you, the symptoms described do not match the criteria for schizophrenia. Call that a vague platitude if you want.
On margin, more people experience brief episodes of psychosis than who experience chronic psychotic illness, so again, you are just plain wrong.
the diagnosis of schizophrenia is a diagnosis of an extreme form of mental illness, regardless of its prevalence; cancer kills a lot of people, but it does so in an extreme form: the prevalence has nothing to do with the extremity.
Thank you for saying this. This account was the first one to respond and continued saying this. Seems a bit strong, I think it is more adderall/sleep/stress related as it was essentially a one-off occurence.
This is a very dangerous assumption. Often drug use brings out peoples underlying mental health condition. Do not assume they are related just because you started taking Adderal recently. In the case of my friend, he attributed his symptoms to first time cannabis use in college, thinking if he just stopped smoking it would go away. It didn't.
Does this not make anyone else queasy? This is such a rabbit hole. Not to mention they list all these major companies on their homepage implying they're using AMP when it looks like the project only started early-mid summer. Seems a bit deceptive trying to oversell people into adopting it when they barely know if it works or wont be superseded shortly. Frustrating when big companies do this in open source.
It's standard web tech that renders in any browser, why is it queasy? This is basically asm.js-style "subset a spec and adhere to a convention and get better performance"
This works in mobile Safari and doesn't require updating any browsers.
It's really just best practices rolled into a kit.
How so? I see anyone who refuses to accept things as they are, coupled with an innate curiosity and a drive towards getting to the root of a problem; and finally changing the rules to make it fit their prerogative, a hacker.
George Bernard Shaw would refer to this individual as an unreasonable man, but I prefer hacker.
Only thing irritating is the constant comparisons to Apple, not just in this article but any article. If a company can't compete with Apple it's suddenly a weak company that the author suggested the employees should quit from to 'join a startup'.
This is asinine. Motorola has licensed deals with almost every American and Canadian police/government force. They basically own digital RF encryption. They have a foothold in this industry and it's not close, and they can't be pushed out. If I was an employee in their radio division I could really care less if they are involved in phones are not.
It's still a billion dollar company, what are we even saying 'bye' to?
Yes, and years later BlackBerry is still around, with a CEO that's almost finished reversing the damage the previous ones caused.
I get your point, but still. Also, you seem to be conflating stock price with company success, health, etc. You shouldn't. Post 90s, they're pretty divorced from one another.
> I think they're saying bye to relevance and innovation. They're worth half as much as Tesla, for example.
No, they're worth half as much as Tesla according to the stock market. There's a big difference.
They're not done yet. But they've slowed the bleeding tremendously, gotten out of unprofitable businesses, actually shipped the damn OS (instead of farting around with demos and research), and are working to ensure that QNX provides a solid revenue stream in the mean time.
BlackBerry under the previous CEOs was much like Sun: lots of cool ideas, lots of smart people, but no direction towards shipping products people wanted.
Now it's like Apple shortly after buying NeXT. Only with no advertising (their current biggest flaw).
You forgot to include your way to value a company. Also, it's market cap, not stock price.
Btw, I'm glad Blackberry has turned it around. I bought the stock around $10. I should see it pop anytime now? Or you've got some other made up way to value a company and I should ignore the stock market?
Looks EXACTLY like cybersquatting to me. You have to learn to read behind the lines here. I've had to deal with these people before, they are infuriating. Heres the facts that suck
- Has the domain for 16 years, doing nothing with it.
- Strings a long a deal for purchase because it doesn't meet his demands.
- Continues to fight extremely hard to do nothing with said domain.
I find it convenient the author never mention why the guy backed out of the deal, probably because his demand was $50k+ and completely unreasonable.
I haven't checked to see if there's an MX (or other) RRs for that zone, but just because there isn't a web page (or something more than a "parking" page) doesn't mean he's "doing nothing with it".
You see waves of technology adoption based a lot on language barriers. We're seeing this with Larval right now in India/SE-Asia, we've seen it with VB6, then .NET into Russia/South-America, and we're just starting to see node.js picking up in China.
People forget, documentation needs to be written, interpreted, then passed down through different channels, like programming communities, schools, person 2 person. This can take 4 years+. As soon as English speakers have mastered it, China is just starting to for example.
Node is here to stay, and it's already at a point with decent enterprise adoption, meaning it's going to take a lot of money and time to reverse the trend.
Please, no. Stop the JS framework insanity. There is zero room for this, it will benefit nobody, and just add static to already successful frameworks. If you disagree, just ask yourself whens the last time anybody said, "I think we need more variety in JS frameworks".
There isn't even an explanation on why they built this or released it, only that, "oh hey guys it's event driven". ASP.NET did this over a decade ago Twitter, but thanks for coming out.
It always starts out small like this though, and it's extremely common for a person after their first few episodes to still not believe they have Schizophrenia, so please don't trust yourself.
I should also be clear, we could be talking about Schizoaffective Disorder. Schizophrenia is sort of umbrella term. I find it's often used incorrectly. Lots of people who suffer still have prolonged periods of being completely normal and lucid, some even go into year long remissions. It's a complicated disease, and you've displayed the tell-tale first sign almost to a T.