Read the DSM description. If you are a technologist you will recognize the format, it is a set of tests that you can likely apply yourself. While I recommend leaving it to a professional, your own curiosity can lead to quite a bit of learning.
Stop going to counselors. The standard for counselors is surprisingly low, and many are damaged themselves and bring their own biases into sessions. Research PHDs in your area and talk with a psychotherapist. Go on your own, without your wife and find your bearings. They will help you from there. Don't be afraid to find a different one early if you don't feel they are connecting with you.
This is the only hope, but I'm afraid one would have to put limits on the amount of time spent in a relationship and do some reflecting on their own life and goals. Realistically, is one willing to spend decades with a BPD in therapy hoping for good results? I'm just trying to guard against false hope.
Splitting is also common among individuals who have upset personality disorder. Such a horrible disease; I can only hope we once live in a world where upset personality disorder is identifiable and treatable.
I applaud your effort, and I don't want this to be hurtful, but borderlines are chameleons, and I want you to guard against false hope. Good luck, but I'm afraid it is a battle that cannot be won (at this time).
There's a wide spectrum of severity when it comes to personality disorders; just because one person with BPD is beyond help doesn't mean others are unable to lead reasonably normal lives with the disorder.
Perhaps, but uncertainty plagues all those in the borderline's sphere of influence, and more likely than not, it's a save yourself situation. If you are realistically willing to give your life for this BPD, then by all means stick it out and good luck to you. But don't presume it is any more hopeful than highly unlikely of even leading a troubled relationship. Most likely a relationship full of anguish - probability speaking.
I can understand believing that, and it's likely true for some people. I don't think that all people with BPD are the same though - there's a wide range of severity, and comorbidity. She was actually the one who told me that she thought she was BPD, and wanted to get better.
If I thought she was truly sociopathic, I'd cut ties with her.
I'm a child of a borderline with narcissistic tendencies. I had PTSD until the age of 38, then underwent EMDR therapy that changed my life. I can now live a full life, and I accept there is absolutely no reason for my mother to ever be included in my life again.
I praise anyone's attempt to help a BPD, but I hold no hope for a solution.
Some referred to "Stop walking on eggshells" as outdated, but I found it a revelation that significantly helped in my understanding and recovery.
(wikipedia) Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to purportedly assist clients in processing distressing memories and beliefs.
The closest thing to a magic wand I've ever seen seen or heard of. Living with trauma for 38 years only to have it wiped away in 5 50 minute sessions. Amazing! I then spent 3 years in psychotherapy learning to be a person (literally a child in an adult's body), but it was life saving. Profound.
I would be interested in the "Why" another form project. I haven't found the exact form solution I want, so it would be nice to know the motivations for this project vs the other offerings so I can easier see they align with my concerns.
