I appreciate your suggestion, though I think I'm in deeper trouble than that. Mindless physical work like gardening seems to free up cycles for me to ruminate, which I have to actively suppress (à la "He took a duck in the face at 250 knots" -- http://books.google.com/books?id=-O3r6D1KutAC&pg=PT36...).
Do you have a wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend? Are you tied down to anything? Do you have money to travel? I'm going to assume you're a single male between the age of 25 and 35.
Correct on all counts -- nothing tying me down, and my rainy day fund can keep me fed, clothed, and sheltered for years.
I actually get a decent amount of exercise -- minimum 40 minutes per day, I'd estimate. It certainly has plenty of benefits, but the energy seems to evaporate once I get down in front of my keyboard again.
I definitely can go out and change things, but I think my mindset is holding me back. It's almost like I would be doing with the expectation that this would "fix" me, and that anything short of that would be a waste.
Yes, yes, I know I'll regret the things I didn't do. But I fear that I'm setting myself up for failure this way with unrealistic expectations.
I was depressive and was retrenched in 2009 due to the company meeting bank demands. I ended up spending my retrenchment money travelling - I'm from Australia, and I always wanted to travel coast-to-coast across the US. I spent three months doing it, and had a total about about three crappy days. Every other day was awesome, just travelling at my own speed and exploring another country.
I was significantly reinvigorated, and I'm very much the 'sit at the computer' type of person. So yeah, I recommend travel.
Also because when else are you going to get the chance to spend some serious time travelling?
> but the energy seems to evaporate once I get down in front of my keyboard again.
The internet is a great tool to avoid self-reflection.
Generally, if something saps your energy whenever you use it, that's a good sign to use it less.
> I think my mindset is holding me back.
Only one person can change this, and it ain't any of us on HN :)
> It's almost like I would be doing with the expectation that this would "fix" me, and that anything short of that would be a waste.
Try letting go of this expectation - they just set you up for failure. Go get away from your keyboard (travel) and enjoy yourself, and trust that perspective and insight will come.
Not disagreeing with the original point, but will offer another possibility: If you aren't well, it's easy to zone out in front of the computer. I have done lots and lots of this while very sick. I do less of it now that I am healthier. (If you are smart and not really well, the internet is a good way to get some of the mental stimulation you crave when you are too out of it to go get more of a life.) And if your keyboard is not clean enough, this can sap your energy. I wipe my keyboard down when I first get to work and we wipe our keyboards down repeatedly at home before someone gets on it. For me, this makes a difference in ability to focus and not simply zone out. Getting rid of an older, dirtier computer and getting a brand new one also has meant that I spend a lot less time mindlessly piddling on the internet.
Travel travel travel. Pick a date (soon, don't put it off), lock it in. Pick a destination and then book tickets. Your mindset is holding you back because you let it. Stop being scared and just do it.
Try travelling to China without a backpack/suitcase, only what you can fit in your pockets (toiletries left pocket, camera/passport/wallet right pocket). Buy other things when you get there, just liberate yourself from most things you would've taken with you.
Rediscovering your passion is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself at the moment. Going 'walkabout' as the Austrailians say has a couple of great aspects to it; first you take yourself out of your routine surroundings, second you create a different set of day to day tasks which helps keep you out of the rut you find yourself in at home.
If you are the camping type, hitting the parks can be great (Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Yellow stone, Carlsbad, Grand Tetons, Etc.) If you are more inspired by cultural endeavors hitting the museuems, music festivals, cultural celebrations are good. The goal of any good walkabout is first to empty yourself, which is to dump all the day to day things that wear upon your consciousness and get back to a place where your true passions can be sensed.
Let your curiosity take you down different roads. Learn a new language, explore a new culture. Recapture the wonder of learning something knew for the sake of learning it.
Remember that when you are aged and contemplating the end of your days, you probably won't be thinking "I wish I spent more time at work." :-)
Then my second point still stands. Seriously, just get out of town for a while. That's an achievable goal in itself. You don't have to expect anything from it and you don't need to make grand plans.
Maybe failure at something really hard wouldn't be so bad. I saw a movie once about a bike race north-south along the continental divide. Most who started quit at some point, but they didn't seem like failures to me.
Anyway, good luck. I bet you won't know what you want to do with your time until you've had some time to decompress first, so maybe just start with no plan.
It looks to me you really have issues with failure. I think you should address them.
For example, this advice tells you to do something out of reach. So you will have no chance in succeeding and failure will be to be expected. And so what? What is the problem with that?
The point here is not winning. So I second the advice and tell you to do it. You need to fail and overcome your fears seeing that it's not that big deal. You have to free yourself from the burden of fear of failure.
I recently bought this book and it might be of help since it is explaining exactly the causes (and treatment) of negative self-talk.
Not sure whether I can post recommendations here (I'm not affiliated), but since it was already recommended here at HN and just in case you want to check it out, it's called "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play" by Neil A. Fiore, and it seems to have helped a lot of people.
You know what else is scary? Waking up in a country where you don't know if you're going to live or not that day. Count your blessings and see the world.
