Great! We're on the same page now, different sides of experience. It's unfortunate that we were ingrained with that "don't talk to strangers" mentality--I understand the reason for it, but it does hurt us as adults.
The surprise thing is not what causes someone to overrule their gut reaction. Someone once described it to me like this: When two people meet, an invisible exchange of information is initiated. Each person quickly learns about the other person's emotional state before a word is said. Each person then acts in accordance with how they perceive the other person.
Fortunately for us, tweaking this stuff and avoiding negative transmissions is possible. If I cross my arms, I'm communicating that I'm closed off. If I lean in, I'm communicating that I'm more interested than you are, etc.
If you have neutral body language, make sure the person can hear you (i.e. get their attention and do it with authority), and don't look down--you're halfway there.
Learning these body language things and some basic social skills are what it takes to become very charismatic and these are things that can be taught.
A bus stop, subway, bookstore, hostel, and even the grocery store are all places where people can be met. Sure some situations are more comfortable than others and there is no need to try to stack the deck against yourself by meeting people in situations that you're less than comfortable with. But when "learning" it is a big confidence booster to make some of these harder things work and it can work. It really is the social equivalent of sky diving. :)
I have found from my experiences trying to force myself out of my comfort zone, that the experience of being approached and spoken to a stranger is MILDLY disorienting and raises certain alarms.
However... it is not nearly as awkward for the receiver as most people think it will be. It is mostly stressful for the initiator.
The main concern from the receiver's side is, what does this person want from me. The golden phrase for me when someone doesn't open smoothly is,
>>"I just saw you sitting there, and you seemed like a really interesting, stylish person."
Or some other statement of interest. That seems to set their minds at ease, because you've "shown your cards" as it were, and aren't about to spring some sales pitch on them.
The surprise thing is not what causes someone to overrule their gut reaction. Someone once described it to me like this: When two people meet, an invisible exchange of information is initiated. Each person quickly learns about the other person's emotional state before a word is said. Each person then acts in accordance with how they perceive the other person.
Fortunately for us, tweaking this stuff and avoiding negative transmissions is possible. If I cross my arms, I'm communicating that I'm closed off. If I lean in, I'm communicating that I'm more interested than you are, etc.
If you have neutral body language, make sure the person can hear you (i.e. get their attention and do it with authority), and don't look down--you're halfway there.
Learning these body language things and some basic social skills are what it takes to become very charismatic and these are things that can be taught.
A bus stop, subway, bookstore, hostel, and even the grocery store are all places where people can be met. Sure some situations are more comfortable than others and there is no need to try to stack the deck against yourself by meeting people in situations that you're less than comfortable with. But when "learning" it is a big confidence booster to make some of these harder things work and it can work. It really is the social equivalent of sky diving. :)