I've had complaints that a burst of typing sounded like a spray paint can being shaken.

I beat other kinds of keyboards to death in months. My unicomp is into year 4.

I had a stack of real Model M's from 87 to 93, that I got from a school system and refurbished in '97. Those lasted me an average of 3 years each. I got the unicomp after trying a few of the other brands in the gap after pounding the last of that stack into dysfunction.

That sounds like a you problem, not a keyboard problem. A good mechanical keyboard should last better than that. Excessive force doesn't code faster.

I have skin problems, and shed enormous amounts of dead skin dust. Often with blood. Its unusually corrosive, just to add fun.

I wear cotton gloves (very simple ones) for computer'ing because my hands are abnormally sweaty and I quite literally can't grasp the mouse or feel the keyboard properly otherwise. Just gallons of sweat everywhere.

Before I would make mice shiny and keyboards grimy very quickly, but since I started gloving up I've not had a single mice or keyboard die on me.

What about those little USB fans pointed at your hands?

They all died, those dinky things are not made for continuous, long-term operation. I'm pretty sure some of them fried a few ports/controllers, too.

Noctua sells 5v variants of their fans, they come with a USB adapter.

You may need to rig something to keep it upright (or at least finger safe?)