Thanks. I began to spend more time with him since he reached 18m and started to talk a bit. I still struggle to treat it less as "work" instead of something more natural but I guess it will come along eventually.

It's just I have so many things in my mind that I'm struggling to sacrifice any of them right now. I probably need to reassess and get rid a lot of them firmly from my mind. It's tough but I'm already working on it.

I’m not gonna offer a stranger advice as I have no idea but as a 45 father of two boys (both have ADHD and one with dyslexia) I know that it is work. The bizarre thing about parenting is that the return on investment are heavily delayed. Yes, pleasure in every single activity can be achieved but it’s a mindset change. And nothing more dramatic than parenting.

I also speak to you as a normally neurodiverse person but perhaps you have difficulty in making connection with you baby son which is outside of your control? When my children were born I feel very deeply into a love hole and have stayed there. All other dads I know feel the same so perhaps you might need to look a little harder at that?